


by heart

by gotchick



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Aged Up NCT Dream, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Developing Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Family, Kid Fic, M/M, Salaryman Lee Jeno, Sexual Tension, Single Dad Lee Jeno, Single Parent AU, Slice of Life, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Teacher Na Jaemin, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, smut at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:53:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22876603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gotchick/pseuds/gotchick
Summary: "If I'm Superman, you're my kryptonite."in which jeno is a salaryman and jisung's dad, jaemin is a kindergarten teacher and chenle's guardian, and chenle and jisung are six year old besties.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 108
Kudos: 697





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i really wanted to write jeno in suits bc im obsessed with the aesthetic esp that vid from his bday when he was dressed in one. also i wanted to challenge myself to write different things, thus the aged up characters and (small) age gap! single parent au is super proliferate in my other fandom but idk about how common it is for nomin, so i hope that i can avoid most of the usual cliches :) i really do plan to try my best to end this within 10k words bc idw to write another fic longer than that! thank you for your patience as always.
> 
> also i don't know any 6 year olds or children in general so i really hope i didn't get the portrayal of their developmental level wrong but pls do let me know if i did so i can improve :))

It all starts when Chenle begins speaking referring to himself in third person, with a lisp to add. Jaemin takes him aside and tries to explain, in the nicest way possible, that this habit is more annoying than cute, and vaguely disrespectful to people with real lisps.

"It’s all Jisung’s fault!” Chenle immediately announces, with that innocent pout of his. “He taught me to talk like this."

And when Jaemin approached Chenle’s slightly younger best friend and classmate, Jisung had shown the same stubborn self-righteousness.

"It’s my dad’s fault, Jaemin hyung.” Jaemin could almost swear the sweet-faced boy is smirking, but six year olds don’t _know_ how to smirk.

Jaemin flicks his forehead with exquisite gentleness. “Call me Teacher, brat.” Jisung’s grin just widens unapologetically.

So of course Jaemin’s curiosity about Jisung’s father, this man who apparently taught him to start a trend of speaking in a third-person lisp, is aroused. It’s easy enough for him to find an opportunity to get a glimpse of the man, by hanging out with the two kids that very afternoon as Chenle accompanies Jisung in waiting for his dad to pick him up from kindergarten.

Midway through their wait, a salaryman type in a dashing navy suit and grey tie approaches their direction, long legs eating up the ground. Jaemin straightens up instinctively, suddenly aware of his own body and frumpy attire. He doesn’t remember having seen the guy around the preschool before — he would’ve noticed someone so striking. Smart and clean-cut, just Jaemin’s type.

"Dad!” Jisung yells out, making him jump, then rushes towards the stranger without hesitation. The office worker drops his briefcase and opens his arms wide, breaking into the most blinding smile Jaemin has ever seen. He kneels down and Jisung runs, full tilt, into his strong arms which lift the little boy up effortlessly.

"Oh, Jisung’s mom didn’t come today,” Chenle remarks, biting his nails, which Jaemin absently stops by taking his hand. He’s still holding it when Jisung and his father walk up, hand in hand too.

"Appa, this is Teacher Na,” Jisung beams, looking adorably proud, probably of his father and not Jaemin. Jaemin can understand — anyone would feel proud of a parent so presentable.

Jisung’s father takes Jaemin in, from his face down to the apron Jaemin forgot to take off, and Jaemin smiles in embarrassment.

"Nice to meet you, sir."

"Lee Jeno.” The man’s gaze is sincere and straightforward, his handshake firm. “Thanks for always taking care of our Jisungie."

"Daddy, Teacher cooked your favourite food for lunch today,” Jisung commandeers his father’s attention again, eagerly. Jaemin cringes as Jeno bends to look at his son and breaks into that smile again.

"Is that right? Would you guys happen to have any leftovers?"

Jaemin can’t tell if he’s joking, but after an awkward silence he answers, “Uh… there’s some left in the kitchen, I think? I can pack it up for you if you give me five."

"No, please don’t bother, but thanks. I’ll just have it here. Just a few bites, then we’ll get out of Teacher’s hair, alright Jisungie? It’s late and your friend has to go home too.” Jeno smiles down at Chenle and Jaemin’s heart melts a little more.

"Don’t worry, Lele lives with Teacher anyways,” Jisung scoffs, and Jeno shoots Jaemin a confused look as their two boys link arms and skip towards the kitchen ahead, delighted at the prospect of another serving of Jaemin’s lunch.

"So, what subject do you teach here?” Jeno enquires pleasantly as they fall into step and follow behind their charges. Late afternoon is fading into evening and there’s a slight breeze that kisses Jaemin’s skin and ruffles Jeno’s slicked back hair. He swings the briefcase beside him as he slows a little to match Jaemin’s pace.

"English, though I’m just a trainee teacher,” Jaemin answers, undoing the apron from around his waist and smiling nervously — he seldom talks to parents outside of school hours. “I’m also the unofficial school chef, as you heard."

Jeno chuckles. “Impressive,” he says in fluent English, making Jaemin bite his lip to stifle a shocked giggle. “And you also… have a son?"

"What? No.” Jaemin shakes his head in confusion, then clarifies, “Oh — Chenle is… he’s under my guardianship right now. It’s a long story."

"So that’s the infamous Chenle,” Jeno hums. “Jisung never stops talking about him. It’s always Chenle this, Chenle that.

"I can see why — he’s a cute kid,” Jeno adds, and Jaemin feels like Jeno just praised Jaemin’s own son.

They trade phone numbers after the light meal, because Jeno says he may need to ask Jaemin questions regarding school in future. After his shower later at home though, Jaemin is surprised to see his first message already lighting up his phone.

They start off exchanging pleasantries but unexpectedly end up chatting through the night. It’s twelve am when Jeno finally bids him good night and apologises for rattling on — saying he’d gotten so carried away he lost track of time.

Jaemin smiles a little goofily to himself, and thinks back on their conversation as he slides into bed. He’d explained to Jeno about how Jaemin’s and Chenle’s mothers are longtime friends, and Chenle’s mother had entrusted him to take care of her son while she sorted out some visa issues in China before joining them in a few months.

 _How old are you?_ Jeno asked then, as if it suddenly occured to him. Jaemin said twenty-three, and Jeno was surprised to find out he’s still a part-time student.

 _I’m graduating next year, though_ , Jaemin added, wanting to appear more mature when Jeno responded that he’s two years older than Jaemin.

 _I suppose you’ll have to call me hyung, then_. Jaemin could almost hear Jeno’s deep chuckle over the phone.

Emboldened, he’d asked inquisitively after Jisung’s mother, not having seen her before either, while Chenle apparently has. It took a few moments for Jeno to respond this time, finally awkwardly admitting they’re separated.

 _I must be the only twenty-five year old divorcee you know_ , Jeno made fun of himself, and Jaemin felt bad for him.

 _It’s no big deal_ , he’d responded, but the IM conversation fizzled out after that, and Jeno went offline after they exchanged good nights.

Maybe this was one parent who’d feel too awkward to reach out to him again, but Jaemin had an unexpected amount of fun chatting with him in the short time.

_Oh right, I forgot to ask you_ , Jaemin remembers the next time they meet by chance, which is a few days later. He’s gotten a glance at Jisung’s mom by now too, a woman as strikingly good-looking as Jeno — and as young. It’d come as another revelation to Jaemin when he did the math and realised Jisung must’ve been born when Jeno was barely nineteen. He can feel the pieces falling together, why some days Jisung’s mother comes to pick him up lovingly, and on others Jeno sheepishly sticks his head into the door. He can’t even imagine how it must’ve felt, becoming responsible for a new life at such a tender age.

Jeno shows none of that in his bearing now, smiling placidly as he always does, ever so mannerly towards Jaemin as Jisung’s teacher. “Ask me what?” He peers at Jaemin.

Jaemin shakes his head, the question now feeling foolish. “It’s just that Chenle and Jisung started talking in this ridiculous way a couple weeks ago, and it’s been getting on my nerves a little, I guess.” He laughs.

"What way?” Jeno knits his brows, apparently not having experienced it in his exchanges with his son.

"Well, like —“ Jaemin starts to imitate it, then feels silly. “Never mind."

"Show me,” Jeno presses, smiling.

Against his will, Jaemin smiles too, the other man’s grin infectious.

"Like… _Jaemin is cute_ ,” he lisps awkwardly. Jeno stares at him for a wide-eyed second, then bursts out laughing.

Jaemin is quite sure he’s blushing. He pushes Jeno’s knee with his own on the school bench where they’re sitting together, a little miffed. Jeno covers his mouth and finally contains his laughter, eyes glinting with amused apology.

"Pretty sure I never taught him anything like that,” Jeno deadpans, and Jaemin groans.

"I knew it."

He’s just kidding around, and has already put the issue behind him, but later on when they shepherd the Siamese twin imps to wash up, he overhears Jeno admonishing his son.

"What did Appa teach you about honesty?"

To his great amusement, Jisung appears more angelic than Jaemin has ever seen him, meekly repeating Jeno’s lesson on not telling tales, especially to his teachers.

Jeno and Jisung hang around at the kindergarten until twilight, helping Jaemin with the cleaning up of the kitchen for the day. Jaemin is glad he’d made another of Jeno’s favourite dishes again today, coincidentally — though it seems the young man has many likes and few dislikes when it comes to food.

When the place is locked up and Jaemin is holding Chenle’s hand outside the yard, while Jeno is juggling Jisung one-armed, Jeno offers to fetch Jaemin home in his car.

"Are you sure?” Jaemin checks his watch. “It’s pretty late, Jisung’s probably hungry already."

Jeno shrugs carelessly. “I already called for pizza and fried chicken, so it’ll probably arrive around when we reach home anyway."

As a student taking a culinary elective, Jaemin can’t help his dismay. “That’s such an unnutritious dinner, though."

"Yeah?” Guilt crosses Jeno’s face, and he immediately feels bad for his bluntness. “I guess… I know it is. I’m awful at cooking though, so it can’t be helped. The last time I made Jisung dinner, he got a tummyache and we both had to stay home the next day."

Jaemin covers his mouth. “I think I remember that incident? He got sick because of your cooking?"

Now Jeno definitely looks embarrassed. “The only healthy thing I have in the fridge is my mom’s kimchi,” he admits ruefully, and Jaemin’s heart goes out to the duo.

He slaps his forehead. “I should have kept some of the lunch food and packed it up for you to takeaway. You could keep it in the fridge a couple days."

Jeno shifts Jisung to his other arm, distracted by the boy squirming and playing with his hair, messing up his styling.

"Thanks, Jaemin,” he says sincerely, meeting his eyes from around Jisung, and Jaemin shakes his head, flustered.

"Anytime."

The sky is darkening and Jeno receives a call that his delivery is en route, so he ushers Jaemin and Chenle to his car parked nearby, and deposits Jisung in the backseat. Jaemin helps them with their seatbelts before putting on his own. Jeno smiles back at them, hand on the wheel.

"All set?"

"Yes, sir,” Jaemin kids, and laughs when the children imitate him, saluting.

Later that night, after dinner, Jaemin’s phone vibrates with a new text. He picks it up and smiles broadly to see a photo of Jisung passed out on the floor, mouth open, behind a stack of takeout boxes and half-eaten pizza.

 _Think I ordered too much?_ Jeno sent with a playful emoji almost out-of-character for him.

 _I think you can finish up the rest, hyung_ , Jaemin texts back, and Jeno replies after a few minutes with another picture of the pizza all gone. Had he wolfed that down in less than five minutes, just to show Jaemin? Jaemin laughs out loud, unable to imagine it, and walks into the living room to switch off the television and put Chenle to bed. _Good night, Jeno hyung_ , Jaemin texts before he sets his alarm for the next morning and turns in.

Jisung’s mom is the one who picks him up for the next few days, and Jisung looks equally happy to be staying over at her house, so Jaemin tries not to wonder when Jeno will be back.

Almost as if the universe read his thoughts, he can’t believe the next meeting arrives so soon.

He receives the unexpected call on Monday two mornings later when he’s helping Chenle wear his backpack and straighten his sailor uniform before heading out.

"Hyung?” Jaemin answers, confused and slightly worried. Why is Jeno calling at such an early hour — is something wrong with Jisung?

"Jaemin-ah.” The older man sounds frazzled, for the first time since Jaemin met him. He’s usually so calm and collected that Jaemin thought nothing could ruffle him. But he can almost hear the tension in Jeno through his voice.

"What is it?” His own heartrate quickens.

"Nothing, I’m so sorry —“ Jeno catches his breath and seems to get hold of his composure again. “It’s just — we were heading to school when something cropped up at my work, and I kind of… have to rush there.

"I don’t have time to drive to the kindergarten without speeding, but I’m not going to leave Jisungie home alone, so — I know you don’t have transport, but is there any way you could pop by on your way?"

"I’ll grab a cab,” Jaemin replies, thinking fast. “No problem. Why don’t you head out first? I’ll be there in fifteen, and Jisung’s such a good boy for you. I’m sure he’ll be fine till I arrive."

"Nope, I’ll wait for you,” Jeno insists, though Jaemin can tell he’s in a bigger fix than he’s letting on. “Travel safe — and thank you so much, Jaemin-ah."

"It’s no problem at all, hyung,” Jaemin repeats, before hanging up, already bundling Chenle out the door and looking out for a taxi. He confirms Jisung’s address with Chenle and they’re on their way.

Jeno pays the driver when they pull up at the lobby of his modern apartment building, ignoring Jaemin’s protests. He’s dressed more formal than usual, in a double-breasted suit with his briefcase and a manila folder of documents already sitting in the passenger seat of his car.

"I owe you for this,” he tells Jaemin before sliding into the driver’s side, tossing him a short but grateful smile. Jisung is still rubbing sleep from his eyes, uniform slightly more ruffled than usual, and Jaemin feels hopelessly endeared as he waves Jeno’s car off.

True to his word, after profusely thanking Jaemin again in the evening when he comes to pick Jisung up, Jeno extends the offer to Jaemin to take Chenle off his hands this coming Saturday.

"I’m sure you must want some time to yourself.” They’re sitting in Jeno’s car outside Jaemin’s apartment, Jaemin in the passenger seat and Chenle and Jisung in their own universe at the back. Jaemin’s hand is on the door, ready to leave with his charge after thanking Jeno for the ride home, but the elder stopped him with his generous offer.

"You probably haven’t been able to go partying with your friends in too long,” Jeno continues, lowering his voice and looking at Jaemin solicitously. “Is that what kids nowadays do? Hitting the club?” He raises a mirthful eyebrow as if he isn’t only that much older than Jaemin.

"Is that what you did in college?” Jaemin asks back, genuinely wondering, before realising his insensitivity. Of course, any fool can guess that Jeno was busy balancing parenting duties and a heavy school load at that age.

Jeno shrugs, running his hands over the wheel. “I know how it feels to want some personal time."

Jaemin flashes him a smile. “Thanks so much for the kind offer, hyung. Really. I don’t mind taking you up on it… if you don’t mind me tagging along?"

"Are you serious? You want to come too?” Jeno brightens, and Jaemin nods eagerly.

"Saturday morning, right? That’s usually when Chenle goes to the playground anyway. Where are we going?"

Jeno gives him an enormous smile.

"It’s a surprise."

The day of their playdate dawns sunny and fair-weathered. Jeno shows up dressed more casually than usual, in a simple sweatshirt and jeans combo that makes him look much younger. His surprise isn’t anticlimactic at all — he brings them to an indoor theme park whose main attraction is a massive blow-up pool filled with balls of all sizes and kids jumping and swimming around in them.

Chenle squeals when they set eyes on it, presumably at the prospect of pelting his poor best friend with balls for the next few hours. If Jaemin had known he likes this sort of thing, he’d have taken Chenle here himself earlier.

"You look like you’d like to join them in there,” Jeno jokes when they’re sitting in the cafe designed for parents, his long legs crossed relaxedly.

"Of course not,” Jaemin scoffs, “I’m an adult,” and Jeno laughs.

The elder male had gone to the counter and ordered them both cups of overpriced coffee, and is now scrolling through his phone in search of popular restaurants in this shopping mall.

"What do you feel like eating for lunch? Hyung’s treat."

Jaemin sips his coconut milk macchiato, shrugging. “Chenle and I both eat anything. You should decide."

"Okay, then.” Jeno looks pleased, showing Jaemin the name of an expensive restaurant Jaemin’s never had the means to visit thus far. “This is fine?"

"That’s… more than fine, definitely.” Jaemin licks his lips, then tentatively probes, “Could it be that you’re… pretty well-off?"

It’s kind of both an obvious and delicate question, since he already knows Jeno and Jisung live in a new apartment in a higher-class neighbourhood. Chenle never mentioned anything about Jisung’s family being particularly loaded, but then again Chenle is used to luxury — compared to Jaemin’s middle-class upbringing, his family background is aristocracy.

More than his financial status, Jaemin is curious if Jeno is an important figure at work. It certainly seemed like he was someone indispensable, the other day when he had to rush off like that.

To already be so successful in both his parenting and work life at the mere age of twenty-five — there’s something admirable about that.

Jeno rubs the back of his neck, looking sheepish again. “We’re… comfortable, I guess? I’m lucky I don’t have to worry about everything Jisung needs, and my parents dote on him a lot too. I am good at my job,” Jeno admits frankly, “But I can’t say the same for fathering.” He sighs, setting the phone down.

"What are you talking about?” Jaemin stares at him. “I was literally just thinking about what a great dad you are."

"You were?” Jeno looks right at him, eyes wide with genuine surprise and pleasure. A slight pinkening fans across his cheekbones as Jaemin nods, and he looks down at the table, clearing his throat.

"Jisung was a surprise — as you must’ve guessed — and we were totally unprepared for him. I spent the first few years totally green, learning on the job, and there were a few narrow shaves. Sometimes it was just… too much, my repeated mistakes and fuck-ups. It’s been six years and… I still feel like a hack, never felt _qualified_. Don’t think I ever will."

Jaemin doesn’t know how to respond for a moment — it’s the most Jeno has confided in him at once.

"And all this shuttling around between his mother’s house and mine… He never complains, but I’m worried it’ll take a toll. A child deserves stability."

When Jeno falls silent, seeming embarrassed at his outpouring and lifting his cup to his lips, Jaemin takes a deep breath and tries to express his thoughts.

"You could be… doing _much_ worse than this,” he eventually says, though it doesn’t come close to the reassurance he wants to offer. “Trust me. I’ve seen it all."

Jeno shoots him a look of sympathy, and Jaemin smiles weakly.

"Your best is enough,” he continues, leaning forward to hold Jeno’s eyes. “And… Jisung seems really happy and well-adjusted. He’s also the smartest student in his class."

Jeno laughs softly, obviously delighted. “No shit?” Jaemin shakes his head with gravity.

"You’re going to have his IQ tested, right? Has he taken MENSA?"

"Oh, no.” Jeno looks overwhelmed. “Maybe… later on? I want him to enjoy his childhood. Grades — aren’t that important as long as he’s happy and learning. Though, his intelligence has to be credited to his mother's nurturing."

"No no, I totally understand! I got ahead of myself. Sometimes I feel like I’m becoming one of those helicopter parents, and I don’t even have kids.” He giggles, and Jeno gazes at him thoughtfully.

"You want that eventually though, right? A kid of your own."

Jaemin hesitates, then nods. “I guess? I haven’t really thought much about it, to be honest. Chenle is like my own son and he’s a real handful so it’s all I can handle for now. And I can’t imagine loving any other baby more than him, really.” Jaemin feels like he may be blushing, gushing about the little Chinese boy.

Jeno continues gazing at him, eyes bright with something like adulation.

"What?” Jaemin asks, uncomfortable, and Jeno shakes his head, shifting his gaze away.

"I was just thinking — you’re kind of amazing."

"Amazing?” Now Jaemin is certain he’s red-faced.

Jeno nods, with a fond smile. “I mean… you juggle teaching, school and taking care of a six year old. That’s a lot of work. Don’t you get tired?"

Jaemin blinks. It’s the first time, it seems, he’s been asked this question, by someone who isn’t his parents or Chenle’s mother. “I…"

"It’s okay to be tired sometimes,” Jeno says, when Jaemin doesn’t finish his sentence. “Hell, I get tired too, and it’s been six years of practice.

"The offer still stands. I’ll help babysit Chenle anytime you need me. Just call.” Jeno makes a phoning gesture, eyes curving.

"Thank you.” Jaemin looks at his lap, feeling his smile overgrow his face.

"You’re welcome,” Jeno replies easily in his mellow voice. He glances towards the ball pool where Jisung has made friends with a bunch of other boys and girls, and Jaemin seeks Chenle out, one of the rowdiest. He’s so proud of how much the boy’s Korean has improved since Jaemin started fostering him a few months ago — he used to be reserved and shy because of his lack of fluency, and so his mother thought Jaemin would be the best person to be his caretaker to provide an immersive language learning experience. That was how Chenle who had once been a distant, childish family friend, barely able to communicate with him, had fallen into Jaemin’s life and stolen into his heart, taking it up whole.

"So, what’s your ambition?"

Jaemin starts at the question that seems more like something he would set as a topic for his students during their English class thrice a week. _Write a sentence about what you want to be when you grow up_.

It seems the last time he seriously considered the abstract words _dreams_ or _ambitions_ had been when he was around slightly older than Chenle and Jisung’s age. And yet, of course it’s always in the back of his mind — his future, the destination he’s heading toward.

It would be nice to have financial and career security like Jeno apparently does, one day, if only just so he can spoil Chenle with countless pampering gifts. The boy is already spoiled rotten by his whole family back in China, but that’s irrelevant.

"Let me guess — you want to be a teacher?” Jeno ventures, and Jaemin’s breath catches.

"How did you know?” It’s true; he’d originally thought he’d become a chef as he dreamt of and showed talent for growing up, but then Chenle entered his life and he discovered his interest in early childhood education, so much that he’d switched majors at the start of the year.

Jeno chuckles, a familiar sound by now. He looks pleased to have guessed Jaemin’s life plan.

"You would make a great teacher,” he says quietly, meeting Jaemin’s eyes again. “Just like you’d be a great dad."

He seems so much more mature and expansive than Jaemin, despite only having two years on him — maybe it’s the parent effect, or maybe it’s just how naturally avuncular Jeno is. Jaemin leans back in his chair, feeling perfectly at bliss, and decides to ask Jeno at the end of the playdate if he’d like to do this again next weekend.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all are wild how does this have so many subs and bookmarks already?? thank u ;w;

To Jaemin’s disappointment, Jeno responds that he’s not free every weekend, looking genuinely apologetic and regretful himself. They do arrange a standing playdate whenever he’s free, which already feels like _not enough_ for Jaemin.

Sighing wistfully, he once again internally bemoans how he falls in love so easily. Yes, he knows he shouldn’t mix work with personal feelings, and that it’s most likely a hopeless exercise, but Jaemin can’t seem to put the brakes down on his growing crush on Jisung’s father.

There’s simply no one else, at his work or school, who’s grabbed his heart by the scruff like Jeno has.

Amusingly, Chenle seems equally smitten with the older male — the little gifts Jeno has surprised him with every time the quartet meet definitely did no harm. Scandalised, Jaemin had halfheartedly tried to instruct Chenle to refuse the tiny but pricey presents, but Jeno had refused to take no for an answer, slipping them into the gleeful boy’s pocket anyway with an irresistible smile.

Chenle now calls him _Uncle Jeno_ , the endearment sliding smoothly off his tongue as if he’s been saying the words his whole life.

 _I have to make it up to him for taking away your attention_ , Jeno explains innocently by text one day, almost as if he senses how precious every single minute with Chenle is to Jaemin, knowing that too soon Chenle’s mother will be back to collect him and always feeling like they’re on borrowed time.

Jaemin smiles dopily, a reaction that Jeno’s texts are eliciting in him more and more, and is glad that nobody can see the shit-eating grin on his face which lights up brighter than his phone screen every time Jeno strikes up a new conversation.

_What’s up, hyung?_ He types back, fingers flying faster than usual in his haste. On the days they talk via text (which is almost daily by now), Jeno’s adorable and awkward responses are the biggest highlight of his day.

 _Nothing_ , the other man replies now, almost as promptly. Jaemin pouts at his phone, hoping the exchange won’t end here, but Jeno follows it up with another.

 _I’m just finding excuses to talk to you_.

Jaemin stares at his phone for a heart-stopping instant, eyes feeling saucerlike. Jeno has such an offbeat sense of humour that sometimes the things he says still throw Jaemin off, especially when he can’t see the other’s expression. Right now — he must be cracking another of his cold jokes again, right?

Despite knowing that’s most likely, Jaemin’s traitorous heart still races.

 _You don’t need an excuse to talk to me_ , he types back, fingers almost clammy on his screen. Jeno doesn’t respond any more despite having seen the message, to Jaemin’s disappointment. He knows the elder is back at work by this time and so forces himself to put his phone away and his heart to calm down.

Jeno hits him up again the next afternoon (Jaemin had been resisting the urge to text first, and mentally fistpumps in triumph), changing the subject from their previous conversation to something new.

_What kind of toys do the kids in Jisung and Chenle’s class like?_

_Toys?_

_Yeah, I’m at the mall now_. Jeno names a popular children’s megastore. _I wanted to get Jisung a gift_.

Knowing Jeno, he’s also going to get Chenle the same thing, and Jaemin suppresses the urge to nag him not to, knowing that the other will ignore it. Jaemin wonders who Jeno is with, if he visited the mall alone.

 _I left work earlier today so I thought I’d do some shopping on the way back_ , Jeno adds as if reading his mind, with a photo attached of his hand carrying a bag of bibimbap takeout. Jaemin smiles, knowing his nutritional advice has been taken to heart. He also can’t help discreetly admiring Jeno’s strong-looking hand and stares at the picture for a beat longer than necessary — he’s so screwed.

_So what do you think he’ll like best? A Nintendo Switch?_

They end up segueing into such a long conversation about the toys they used to obsess over as kids, back in the day, that Jeno laughingly tells Jaemin he’s gone to sit down in a cafe to make his decision.

Jaemin feels bad for taking up Jeno’s time, but they’re having so much fun discussing Beyblades and how the boys would probably love them if they were still sold now.

Eventually, feeling like he should probably give some actual advice, Jaemin says, _Chenle seems happy enough with his Hot Wheels and Legos and Barbies, so I haven’t noticed so much of a generation gap regarding these things. Then again he prefers outdoor activities, like biking and basketball — I guess he’s the athletic type._

 _... Barbies?_ Jeno responds after a few beats, and Jaemin bursts out laughing alone, his confusion tangible even over the phone.

 _Joke. Just testing if you’re paying attention_ , he replies with a wink emoji.

 _Punk_ , Jeno retorts, but Jaemin can somehow tell he’s laughing too.

 _Jisung loves biking too, like me_ , Jeno adds. _Maybe this weekend we can do that_.

Disobediently, Jaemin’s heart leaps.

The next day, Jisung turns up at school wearing a brand new smartwatch, and Jaemin swallows at the possibility that Jeno might have bought one for Chenle as well. There’s no appropriate way for him to ask if he did, though.

Thankfully, Jeno seems to know that would put Jaemin in a tight spot, and come Saturday, the ribbon-wrapped bag he hands to a squealing Chenle contains only a new Hot Wheels car, a mini Lego set, and a tiny, adorable Ken doll. Jaemin gives Jeno a look and Jeno smirks at him over the boys’ heads, effectively dumbfounding him.

"You’re too much,” Jaemin tells him disapprovingly, trying to look stern later after they’ve cycled to their destination, Chenle riding on the backseat of Jeno’s high-tech bicycle because Jisung has his own child-sized cutting-edge vehicle.

 _Boys and their toys_ , Jaemin thinks fondly, looking at the father and son duo in their matching helmets. Chenle is trying out Jisung’s bike wearing his helmet, ecstatic, while Jisung patiently holds the back to steady him. Jaemin started when Jeno asked shyly if he’d like to try out his too.

Now, after a wobbly spin around the perimeter with Jeno seeming to be holding back laughter while watching Jaemin tame his bike, they’re sitting on a stone bench with one eye on the rowdy ones.

Jeno smiles unapologetically in response to his statement, seeming to know what he’s referring to.

"I probably spoil him a tad too much,” he admits with his trademark self-deprecation, “And I know material goods won’t make up for the psychological damage he probably has from the divorce, but it makes me feel a bit better.” He shrugs, eyes pensive despite his smile.

Jaemin’s heart goes out to him and thoughtlessly, his hand reaches out to pat Jeno’s shoulder. Jeno’s eyes widen, shifting to his hand and Jaemin feels his skin tingle where it rests on Jeno’s warm muscle.

"Kids are more resilient than we think,” he says lamely, mind empty with all his nerve endings concentrated in his palm, but Jeno breaks into a surprised smile like Jaemin’s just said something deep.

"You’re right.” He nods as if it’s a revelation. “It’s incredible how strong they are."

 _Thanks for today_ , he texts Jaemin later, after they’re back home. _You always know what to say_.

The next time he sees Jeno is on Saturday morning a week later, when the elder comes to pick his son up from Jaemin’s apartment where Chenle had invited Jisung for a Friday night sleepover. Jaemin had considered asking Jeno to join in, but felt a sleepover, even chaperoned by their kids, would be pushing platonic territory. Besides, where would Jeno even sleep? His bed, while he took the couch?

Kept sleepless for longer than he’ll admit by thoughts of Jeno in his bed, Jaemin awakes the next morning to two mischief-makers jumping up and down on his bed and nearly jolting him into the air with every impact.

His hair is sticking up hopelessly and he has bleary eye-bags, not even having time to brush his teeth before the doorbell is ringing.

Panicking, Jaemin runs a hand through his hair as he opens the door. Jeno is standing there, looking like he just stepped out of a photoshoot in a black striped suit. Jaemin’s stomach flips over again when he relieves Jisung of his Dora The Explorer backpack and slings it over one broad shoulder, over his handsome outfit.

"Sorry I can’t stay longer,” he tells Jaemin sadly, “I have to put in overtime today and get Jisung to his mother’s place before that."

Jaemin’s throat feels dry, wondering whether Jeno’s stunningness will have the same effect on his ex-wife as it’s having on Jaemin.

Jeno starts at the hand Jaemin abruptly places on his chest. He’s half-asleep and hyper-awake at the same time, feeling the quickened pulse beneath his fingertips, and Jeno’s questioning gaze hot on his arm.

"There’s some stuff on your clothes,” Jaemin explains, showing him. His voice sounds raspy and he clears his throat, embarrassed.

"Oh,” Jeno laughs, sounding relieved. “It’s just cat fur. I took the chance to drop by my parents’ house just now and played with our family’s cats. We have three. Ah, I thought I got it all off with the lint roller in the car."

Jaemin swoons inwardly. “You’re an animal lover too? Can you get any more perfect?"

Jeno falters again, Jaemin seeming to have disarmed him once more.

"Careful, you’re going to stroke my ego,” he replies after a pause, chuckling nervously.

 _Not the only thing I’d like to stroke_ , Jaemin thinks, smiling back innocently as he pats Jeno’s torso again for good measure and reassures him that the fur is virtually invisible, before sending father and son off.

He doesn’t expect himself to be the one who initiates the next exchange — but it’s 11pm on a weeknight a couple days later when Jaemin is in hot soup with nobody else to call.

He shouldn’t have left the assignment due tomorrow, which is going to count towards his final grade, to the last minute. But how could he have predicted his Mac would betray him at this crucial juncture and just — completely die?

Jaemin rakes another hand through his already hopelessly tousled hair, and continues pacing the living room. Chenle pads out of his room, hair equally messy, rubbing sleep out of his eyes, and Jaemin feels a pang of guilt.

"Oh sweetheart, sorry for waking you."

Chenle shakes his head, sitting down on the couch. “What’s wrong, hyung?"

Jaemin hesitates. “Nothing — just… hyung’s laptop is spoiled."

Chenle ponders this, then says as if it’s the most natural thing in the world, “Why don’t you call Uncle Jeno?"

It isn’t as if he hadn’t already been considering doing that, before Chenle gave him the final push — so Jaemin takes a deep breath and opens his conversation with Jeno. He still seems to be awake, having last been online five minutes ago. Jaemin’s heart picks up speed, for some reason: he’s never bothered the other so late at night, and it feels like crossing an intangible line.

Jeno is waiting at his apartment lobby when the cab carrying Jaemin and Chenle pulls up. Like he’d done the last time, he pays the driver before Jaemin can even take out his wallet.

Jeno takes Chenle’s hand easily as they traipse up to his apartment, Chenle almost bouncing with excitement at being out so late after his bedtime, and seeing Jisung earlier than the next day at school.

The interior of Jeno’s apartment doesn’t disappoint, in fact is grander than Jaemin expected. Not in an ostentatious, but understated, subtle way. The rooms look like they came out of an IKEA catalogue, and there’s tawny, tasteful lighting all around. Jaemin feels his stressed mood instantly quieting down.

Jisung’s bedroom looks the cosiest of all, lovingly set-up, knickknacks in every corner. There’s a hopscotch grid coloured onto the linoleum floor and Chenle is enthralled by it. Jisung gets so hyped up when he sees Jaemin, Jeno has to shush him, giggling and order them both to quickly go to bed with mock-sternness.

When the boys have finally calmed down and Chenle is tucked in next to Jisung, Jaemin finds Jeno in the kitchen, making a cup of hot barley tea.

Jeno smiles at him, looking as cozy as his home in a baggy plain white tee and sweats.

"Make yourself at home."

"I love your house,” Jaemin gushes, and he raises an amused and flattered eyebrow.

"Thanks. I like yours too — what I’ve seen of it, at least. Jisung told me how nice it is inside so you’ll have to give me the grand tour one of these days."

"Definitely,” Jaemin promises, stomach fluttering at the mere thought of Jeno in his humble abode. “If you’re free on Saturday, you can come over and I’ll make lunch to thank you for — all this."

"Sounds awesome.” Jeno’s eyes disappear with pleasure. The last of Jaemin’s lingering anxiety over his homework fades in anticipation of this event, but remembering his duties, he quickly unzips his bag. The elder springs into action too, pulling his own laptop over from the coffee table where it’s charging.

Jeno keys in his password, then hands the computer over. “All yours.” He smiles again, then adds, “Do you… mind if I sit here a while longer? Or would I be distracting you?"

Jaemin hastily shakes his head — of course, it’s only natural Jeno won’t just go back to bed and leave him alone with his personal laptop, when they’ve only been friends for a hot minute. It’s already unbelievably gracious of him to loan it to Jaemin.

But Jeno just props his chin in his fist and stares at Jaemin without saying a word, smile creeping onto his lips again as Jaemin nervously picks up the cup of tea and sips. He doesn’t seem worried Jaemin might snoop into his work documents — appearing more to enjoy watching him getting flustered and trying to focus.

"Are you hungry? Would you like a snack?” He breaks the silence, then covers his mouth. “Oops, sorry for disturbing you."

Jaemin smiles, moved. “No, thanks a lot, hyung. Maybe — coffee, if you have some?” He’s already finished the tea, with his thirst from the rush here.

Jeno nods and takes his cup back, looking pleased that Jaemin appears to like his drinks.

He sets the cup down on the coffee table when he returns in five minutes, looking concerned.

"What’s wrong?” Jeno’s soft voice breaks through his daze, and Jaemin doesn’t realise his hand is clenched until Jeno takes it and gently loosens his grip.

"Ah, hyung —“ His voice cracks, and Jaemin sees his distress mirrored in Jeno’s eyes. “I think I lost all the initial work I did on the assignment, too. The document is gone from my thumbdrive."

Jeno winces, with sympathy. “Shit."

"Yeah.” Jaemin struggles not to punch the couch, and heaves a breath.

They both belatedly realise that Jeno is still holding his hand.

Ten minutes later, Jeno is squinting at the screen through wire-rimmed glasses, looking ridiculously breathtaking with his bangs falling into his eyes. He has someone called Donghyuck on speakerphone, and the disembodied voice is instructing them step by step on how to try and recover Jaemin’s lost document.

Ten more minutes later, Jaemin and Jeno both gush thanks into the phone in turn before hanging up and high-fiving each other. Jeno’s eyes are shiny, as if it’s _his_ precious work that’s been recovered, and Jaemin’s feel almost misty, he’s so touched.

"You’re literally Superman,” he tells the elder, and the tips of Jeno’s ears redden.

"It’s nothing,” he says softly, then abruptly stands up and picks up the cup of now lukewarm coffee. “I’ll make you another cup. You go on."

Jaemin watches him lope to the kitchen, chest brimming with warmth. He lied -- it is a distraction.

Two hours later, it’s around 3am and Jeno has dozed off on the loveseat. Jaemin stretches his stiff arms and staggers to his feet, finding a small blanket to drape over the other’s shoulders.

Jeno wakes up at the lightest touch, and Jaemin nearly trips backwards in surprise. Jeno steadies him with quick reflexes.

"Are you done?” His husky sleep voice does things to Jaemin’s body. He nods dumbly.

Jeno smiles, then says the words that sound surreal to Jaemin, after his recent daydream of Jeno in his bed.

"It’s late, you shouldn’t wake Chenle. You guys can sleep over until morning. Take my room, I’ll stay on the couch."

He still hasn’t gotten over the sheer out-of-body experience of waking up in Jeno’s bed, when Jaemin’s phone vibrates in his pocket at midday. He’s cooking lunch in the kindergarten, and god, it’s been the most Jeno-filled day ever, but Jaemin stumbles to wash his hands and fish out his phone with slippery fingers. His heart is begging for reprieve after a day of gymnastic routines.

_Did you submit the assignment successfully? If you’re free tonight, do you want to accompany me to a company dinner? Chenle can stay at my house with Jisung, I’ll have a babysitter over._

_It went perfectly, thanks to you. A company dinner?_ Jaemin doesn’t even know how to reply half as coherently as Jeno’s message.

 _We’re allowed to bring a guest_.

Still, it sounds like a formal event, and an invitation feels in the same bizarre realm as Jeno asking him to sleep in his bed — so maybe not that bizarre, since he’s already done that. (And Jeno’s percale sheets felt heavenly.)

_I thought you might like it since the food is going to be done by a pretty well-known caterer. I know you’re a foodie, right?_

_Foodie?_ Jaemin finally replies, flattered by Jeno’s seeming eagerness to procure his agreement.

_Yeah, like, a gourmet? :)_

Jaemin bursts out laughing to himself again.

_I’m more like a gourmand, but… okay. All right. It sounds real nice, if you’re sure I won’t be a sore thumb, and wouldn’t rather bring anybody else._

_Great! I want to bring you. You deserve a treat after all that stress last night_. He can hear Jeno’s relief emanating over the phone, his excitement pulling Jaemin in.

 _And don’t you want to meet Donghyuck?_ Jeno’s next message makes him swallow in trepidation — of course he wants to thank his lifesaver in person, but Jaemin feels shy to meet Jeno’s colleague who is probably as imposing as him.

Heck, he does deserve a treat, he decides, taking off from work early for once and pulling Chenle out of classes as well to give him a reward for being so good the night before.

After he splurges on a cool t-shirt to dress up his boring jeans, he manages to find a salon with a playground area, and Jaemin smiles as the hairdresser asks what colour he would like to dye his hair, Jeno’s reaction popping into his head unbidden.

"Sungie!"

"Lele!"

Jisung and Chenle greet each other as if they haven’t met in a year instead of a few hours when Jisung flings open Jeno’s apartment door.

"Is that you, Jaeminie?” Jeno calls from the direction of his room. “Gimme five minutes, okay?"

"Take your time, hyung!” Jaemin calls back, shushing Jisung whose eyes are bulging out at his pink hair. He wants to see Jeno’s first reaction in person.

Chenle is bouncing on the balls of his feet, elated at the opportunity to tear through Jisung’s room and house just one day after he fell in love with it. Jaemin looks around for the babysitter, who doesn’t seem to have arrived yet. “You’ll be good boys for noona later, right?"

Jisung nods and Chenle informs Jaemin, “We’re going to have a willow fight, mom!” eliciting peals of laughter from his best friend.

Jaemin can’t help smiling at the adorable blooper — not out of any fault with Chenle’s Korean, but simply because he’s six years old and still stumbles over his words sometimes.

"It’s pillow fight, Chenle-yah,” Jaemin hears, and looks up, heart hitching, to see Jeno exiting his room buttoning the cuffs of a pristine work shirt paired with casual slacks, looking hot as hell.

His lips part as he takes Jaemin’s new look in, and Jaemin thinks he hears a faint inhale. The air in the room suddenly seems to crackle. He didn’t get the dye job for Jeno, or his dinner — but it suddenly feels like he did, like he was waiting exclusively for Jeno’s opinion.

Then the moment is over, and Jeno tears his eyes away, bending to get to eye level with the two boys. Jaemin almost feels jealous of his eye-smile directed at the both of them, as Jeno reassures Chenle staunchly that Jisung has made worse boo-boos with his spoken Korean, some as recently as this week, and Jisung stamps his feet and pleads with his father not to spill his secrets.

After the babysitter arrives, they step out into the balmy night. Jeno seems oddly more reserved than usual and Jaemin wonders if he was too confident, if Jeno even likes his new hair. Maybe it’s too loud and he should’ve waited until after the event to dye it.

Surprising him, though, Jeno breaks the silence first.

"Chenle calls you mom?"

Jaemin reddens, glad for the cover of the night. He explains, “Very rarely. I think he misses his mother, and misses saying _mom_ , poor kid."

Jeno hums. “I think maybe he sees you as his surrogate mother."

When Jaemin sneaks a sidelong glance, Jeno is smiling at him, warmer than Jaemin’s ever seen before. His heart does a cartwheel.

"You dyed your hair,” Jeno remarks, eyes moving to it again.

"Do you like it?” Jaemin murmurs.

There’s a pregnant pause, before Jeno answers, “It’s pretty. Like cherry blossoms."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> operation keep this fic within 10k words: failed lol i think it's gonna have 4 (or max 5) chaps so if you're interested enough to read till the end, buckle up and i hope it's a rewarding ride! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is confirmed at 6 chapters! Its not bc it got longer than I planned (within 20k words) but bc i don’t have a beta and do all the editing work myself, so shorter chaps feel an easier length for me to handle. I haven’t been satisfied with the editing work on previous fics and chaps, and also the pacing of previous fics as I kinda rushed to fit everything in at some points, so I wanted to do better in pacing for this one and take my time to write all the plot points out.
> 
> Shoutout to graceney for your comment on the last chap - unabashedly admitting I reread it a few times while working on this chapter, and it motivated me more than you could know. I have low self-esteem regarding my writing (maybe its obvious) so I frequently get stuck in self-doubt and self-flagellation, but I try to ignore the inner critic and just… write what I would enjoy reading (and every other writer who’s struggling with the same problem, I would also advise you to just write what you would have fun reading ;)) the love and encouragement I’ve received on all my fics have helped me immeasurably, and im just so glad I finally got into the groove and momentum of this fic. Planning to post the rest of the updates more often than once a week, so it won’t take ages to finish!
> 
> Thank YOU for following this little, imperfect fic, if you’re enjoying it :’)

"Hey, isn’t this the first time we’re going out alone? Without the rascals, I mean,” Jaemin remarks on the way to the building where the function is held, when Jeno stops at a red light.

Jeno looks over at him, seeming speechless at this observation, and Jaemin laughs to break the ice.

"I just realised, that’s all. Don’t get awkward on me."

At this, Jeno promptly gives him an awkward smile, which Jaemin mirrors and they fall into silence for the rest of the ride.

The elder seems slightly more in his element once they get there and there are more people around them, people he knows. Jaemin watches him smile and wave politely to colleagues who call out greetings to him, not forgetting to grab a glass of fizzy golden beverage for Jaemin as a waitstaff passes.

From an empty table by the sidelines, Jaemin rests his chin on his palm and contentedly watches Jeno gallantly loading plates with hors d’oeuvres for both of them. He’s rolled up his sleeves almost to the elbows, and Jaemin could stare at his forearms all day.

He’s so entranced, he doesn’t realise a stranger has descended on their table until a smooth voice jerks him to earth.

"Are you having a good time? I’m not sure whose guest you are, but I wanted to welcome you as the organiser of the party."

Jaemin blinks to see an attractive guy with an even more attractive smile having taken a seat beside him. Despite being dressed more formally than almost everyone else, he pulls off the expensive-looking pinstriped tux without any self-consciousness.

"I’m Donghyuck.” Jaemin returns the pleasant handshake, recognition dawning at the man’s name.

"Jaemin,” he quickly introduces himself, a little shyly. “I’m so sorry for bothering you past midnight, last night — Jeno hyung called to ask for help with my document?"

Donghyuck’s face melts further into friendliness at this revelation. “Oh, that was you? It was no problem at all. Happy to help. I was still up for ages, playing PUBG anyway.” He leans closer to whisper the last bit conspiratorially, and Jaemin can’t help giggling, liking Donghyuck immediately.

Donghyuck sits back again and regards him with appreciation. “So you’re here with Jeno, then? I didn’t think he had that many close friends outside work. You know, with him being kind of a stuffed shirt and all…"

Stuffed shirt? Jeno? Jaemin processes this incongruous description, but before he can open his mouth to ask how exactly Jeno is one, the man in question is back at his side, with his own million-dollar smile.

"I see you’ve met Donghyuck already. What are you guys talking about?"

Jaemin hesitates, but Donghyuck replies frankly, “I was just telling Jaemin-ssi what a hard nut to crack you are,” making Jeno break into incredulous laughter.

Still, he doesn’t deny it, digging into his food and letting Donghyuck know how delicious everything is. Jeno nudges Jaemin’s laden plate closer to him. “I heard you like flavourful stuff, so I picked them out for you."

Jaemin smiles at him, pleasantly surprised. He must have been asking Chenle about Jaemin’s preferences when Jaemin wasn’t listening.

Jaemin samples the food too, and proclaims that it’s perfection when Donghyuck awaits his opinion. Jeno’s colleague beams, obviously pleased, then stands up and excuses himself to attend to the other guests, apologising for interrupting them for so long. Before leaving, he slips a business card into Jaemin’s hand, winking and telling him to contact him directly the next time he needs any technical advice. “Any friend of Jeno’s is a friend of mine."

Jeno pauses his fork to smile at Jaemin as he leaves, seeming happy with their smooth introduction.

"He likes you.” Jeno leans closer and lowers his voice. “Donghyuck doesn’t just give his cards out to anybody."

Jaemin feels relieved, oddly as if he’s gained one of Jeno’s friends’ approval. The dinner he’d been nervous about doesn’t seem so nerve-wracking after all.

"You guys seem close,” he remarks between bites of the food, which was honestly worth the trip, melting in his mouth. He’s already thinking of bringing home some of Chenle’s favourites, but that’d probably be unseemly.

Jeno smiles, glancing at Donghyuck who is regaling another table of their workmates, the centre of attention.

"Yeah, he’s a pretty cool dude, though I’m technically his subordinate."

Jaemin hums. “Why’d he call you a stuffed shirt, though?” He can’t hide his amusement and intrigue, especially when Jeno looks shifty.

"I guess… I can seem a bit standoffish to people I don’t know well? Donghyuck is pretty much my only friend in the office too, the rest are just… acquaintances."

Now Jaemin is truly piqued. If Jeno’s colleagues who he sees daily only qualify as acquaintances, then… what does the older man see him as? And why has he singled Jaemin out to extend a hand of friendship to, out of all the like-minded contemporaries he’s surrounded by?

"Why are you… so nice to me?” The question comes out much less intelligently, and Jaemin winces at how embarrassing it sounds, wanting to unask it right away.

Jeno looks jarred too, pausing mid-chew and looking up at him. He seems to think about it seriously, as if he doesn’t know the answer himself, didn’t realise how extravagantly kind he has been to Jaemin, each and every time they met. Maybe being so magnanimous to strangers is normal for Jeno, but it’s certainly a first for Jaemin to be treated with such care.

And knowing what he does now, that Jeno doesn’t treat everyone this way, makes him feel even more… special.

Jeno smiles tentatively, as if embarrassed by Jaemin’s question as well. “It’s not like I’m especially nice to you or anything…” he hedges, looking down at his plate, “But I guess it’s because you’re Jisung’s favourite teacher, and his best friend’s guardian, so you just felt kind of — familiar, from the start?"

Jeno says this guilelessly, as if it’s as simple as that, and Jaemin kind of understands too. From the first day, Jeno’s company had just felt so naturally intimate.

_You really are Prince Charming_ , Jeno messages him in reply the next afternoon, after Jaemin sends him a sweet message of thanks for persuading him to attend the function — the food had been divine, the best meal he’s had so far this year.

Jaemin texts back a question mark, giddy with confusion. In a while, Jeno replies with a teasing emoji that Jisung and Chenle’s sitter from last night, a college freshman around Jaemin’s age, has asked Jeno for Jaemin’s number.

Jaemin sends back the face-covered emoji, ridiculously mortified that a girl actually asked Jeno for his number. It’s probably because he’d thought of taking away a small portion of the buffet for her, at the end of the dinner when Jeno had said he was grabbing some snacks for Jisung and asked if Chenle wanted any.

 _Do you want me to give it to her?_ Jeno replies. _Thought I should ask you first._

 _No… Sorry, hyung_. Jaemin is still cringing, hoping Jeno won’t pry further and ask if he already has a girlfriend and stuff like that. To his relief, all Jeno texts back is another smiley face, with a reassuring _No worries_.

The next night, Chenle’s parents make their weekly video call on Skype — Chenle keeps in contact with them privately as well with his own phone bought specially for this purpose, but his mother always tries to check in with Jaemin too once a week.

Chenle is sitting on Jaemin’s lap, as usual, in front of his Mac which has been thankfully fixed. He’s so excited, the poor boy is worrying his nails with his teeth again, a nervous childhood habit. Jaemin can feel him practically vibrating with happiness just seeing his parents through the screen, and it’s a bittersweet feeling that reminds him again that no matter how much Chenle has settled into Jaemin’s house, it’ll never truly be home for him. His mother smiles as Jaemin easily holds Chenle’s hand to still his jitters. Chenle has lapsed into rapidfire Mandarin, seeming to have forgotten Jaemin’s presence, until his mother thoughtfully interrupts him in Korean, asking if he’s being a good boy for Jaemin ge.

Chenle bobs his head angelically, adding in Korean, “Ge’s been a good boy as well!” Jaemin joins in Chenle’s dad’s chuckles as the precocious child pats his head boldly.

Chenle’s mother compliments, “His Korean has improved a lot,” smiling at Jaemin with obvious gratitude. Jaemin smiles modestly, trying to hide his pride.

"He’s a natural,” he waves off Chenle’s parents’ awe with a shrug.

Every time after these calls recently, Jaemin finds it a little harder to fall asleep. He lies awake with the niggling reminder that time is slipping away, through his fingers, the days passing too quickly to grasp. Is he just a stopover in Chenle’s life, just one of the train stations in the boy’s journey and not part of his destination?

Of course, Jaemin knows the answer. He’s twenty-three, practically still a kid himself — shouldn’t be thinking of such things; doesn’t even have any claim to blood relations with Chenle, but despite himself it bothers Jaemin.

Chenle has the most beautiful, mischievous gap-toothed smile. His favourite pyjamas are the basketball print ones with a fake autograph of Stephen Curry. He’s still scared of thunderstorms, and crawls into Jaemin’s bed, trembling under his covers when the lightning flashes. Up until some time ago, he couldn’t fall asleep without the tattered blankie he’d brought all the way from Shanghai. He smells like talcum powder and baby shampoo, mingled with sweat and grass. When Chenle can’t sleep, the only way he can settle down, much to Jaemin’s pride, is when Jaemin clumsily sings the Chinese lullabies he learned specifically for such occasions, and strokes his hair until the cherubic face relaxes.

Chenle has shown his most vulnerable sides to Jaemin, so trusting that Jaemin won’t let him down. What is Jaemin going to do with all this affection, once the boy is no longer part of the fabric of his life? Where is he going to direct it, when he has nobody left to love and spoil?

Tonight, Jaemin finds his fingers moving across his phone in the dark, leading him unconsciously to open Jeno’s conversation.

Jeno is still online. Jaemin feels a shiver pass through him at the status, then feels absurd.

He nearly jumps out of his skin when the faint message tone sounds from his phone, screen lighting up brighter with a new notification. Could it be that Jeno coincidentally happened to be looking at their conversation at the same time, too?

Because he’s sent a short but concerned message. _Can’t sleep?_

Jaemin smiles, all his serious thoughts momentarily forgotten. _Nope_ , he texts back, not wanting to keep Jeno awake late again, but suddenly craving to chat with him, about everything and nothing. Just to distract himself, for a while.

"Does Chenle like Ryan?"

Jeno is sitting in Jaemin’s living room on Saturday, looking surreal against the backdrop of Jaemin’s familiar habitat. Jeno looks too gorgeous to be in Jaemin’s dowdy home, even dressed down in a button-down polo and cargo shorts.

Jaemin squirms at his question. “Those are my plushies,” he replies, anticipating Jeno’s laughter.

"You like plushies? How cute,” the other man smirks. “I know what to get you for your birthday."

"Oh, please.” Jaemin rolls his eyes, cringing uncontrollably. “Don’t get me anything.” The last thing he needs is an oversized plushie to make him think of Jeno more than he already does, sitting on his couch.

Jeno just hums noncommittally and plays a finger over his smile, watching Jaemin saute their lunch in his favourite skillet in the kitchen with undisguised admiration. “Need any help?"

"No, thanks. Maybe you can just check in on Chenle? He’s been hyped up on sugar since morning, ate too much candy…"

Jeno laughs again. “Sure.” Jaemin hears him standing up and wandering towards Chenle’s room where Jisung’s voice can be heard too.

"I love your…” Jeno starts apropos of nothing in the middle of their meal later. Jaemin took Jisung aside the previous day and bribed the boy to write down a list of Jeno’s top favourite dishes, by giving him a packet of sour gummy bears. He hadn’t predicted that this morning, Chenle would be loaded full of half the packet, bouncing off the walls from the sugar rush.

Jaemin looks up, eyes wide on the other’s, a strand of japchae slipping from between his slack chopsticks, and Jeno quickly clarifies, “Cooking. Your cooking.” He wolfs down another big bite, colour rising on his cheekbones.

Of course — his cooking. Jaemin laughs awkwardly and coughs, “Thanks. Eat more, hyung."

Jeno smiles and nods, looking so satisfied as he continues devouring Jaemin’s food, and not for the first time Jaemin feels like he’s looking after three kids instead of two. Jeno is so much like an overgrown boy, despite his mature appearance — it’s something about how earnest and artless his personality is.

That’s the reason why Jaemin will never try out any seduction tactics on him — not because he doesn’t have any, or hasn’t done that with other guys he’s wanted; but because somehow Jeno just seems too innocent for playing games like that. Jaemin has no qualms with “luring” other guys to flirt with bisexuality, even if they identify as straight — he figures if they were truly heterosexual, nothing he does would change that — but something about his friendship with Jeno is too pure, too sacred to put to the test.

As if reading his thoughts again, Jeno remarks above the sounds of the boys slurping up the rice, “Your girlfriend must be very lucky?"

He fixes his eyes on Jaemin as he says this, chopsticks paused. There’s something about his gaze that feels more like a test than a question. Jaemin swallows — it seems the topic he’s been trying to avoid came up after all.

"I’m single right now,” he shrugs casually, and Jeno continues watching him closely, something in his eyes Jaemin can’t read changing the slightest bit. He supposes since the other was the one to bring up this topic, all bets are off. He takes a deep breath and asks what he’s been wondering as well.

"And you? You’re such a catch, I bet you have to beat girls off with a stick.” He laughs at his own joke, faking nonchalance. Unlike his other male friends, Jeno has never brought up the subject of women when they're out together -- he figured it's because they're usually with the kids, but Jeno's eyes never seem to follow attractive members of the fairer sex either.

Jeno looks taken aback. “I… that’s not true.” He seems to be blushing. “I guess… I’ve felt like some people were interested in me, but usually the fact that I’m a…” Jeno delicately doesn’t refer to Jisung in front of him. “… it scares them off.” He shrugs too with a wry smile, not looking that disappointed about it.

Jaemin isn’t prepared for the relief that floods through him. It feels dangerous, out of his depth, all of a sudden — yeah, he’s been nursing an oversized crush on Jeno… but it wasn’t _serious_ , was it? It can’t be, because, well, Jeno is straight and could never reciprocate his feelings anyway. The last thing Jaemin wants to do is to go and get hurt by himself, and make their friendship stilted.

Yes, he doesn’t have a chance in this silly daydream — but as he watches Jeno roughhousing with Jisung without ever manhandling him; not getting annoyed even when Chenle blows a string of soap bubbles into his face, Jaemin feels inexplicably happy just knowing that Jeno is unattached and available.

It’s a school night, so when Chenle asks Jaemin cutely if he can call Jisung for a chat before bedtime, Jaemin mock-sternly allows him only ten minutes, tops.

He smiles as he hears the boy pad to the landline and pick up the phone, slowly dialling his best friend’s number he already knows by heart.

"Hello, Uncle Jeno? May I please speak to Jisungie?” Chenle’s shrill, childish voice filters into the living room where Jaemin is halfheartedly watching a drama, his thoughts attracted as if magnetised at the name he’s grown so sensitive to.

A minute passes, two. Then Jaemin hears the phone falling with a clatter, and Chenle is calling to him, voice urgent. “Hyung! Jaemin hyung!"

Assuming the worst, Jaemin stumbles to his feet and rushes to the phone. Chenle has picked it up again and is looking distressed, handing it over wordlessly. Jaemin places it against his ear, heart thudding.

"Jeno?” In the haste of the situation, he forgets to tack on the _hyung_ at the end.

Relief and dread wash through him as Jeno’s voice finally flows from the other end of the line. “Jaemin?"

"Hyung, is something the matter?” Jaemin is so confused, Chenle clutching his sleeve with big eyes and trying to listen in.

Jaemin hears a muffled whimper that sounds soblike. Is Jeno… crying?

"Jeno hyung?” Jaemin prompts again, more urgently.

"Jaemin,” Jeno finally says again, voice hoarse but not tearful, thankfully. “It’s Jisung. My baby’s sick."

Jaemin’s heart drops at the words _Jisung_ and _sick_ in the same line. Trying not to jump to conclusions again, he asks for details. Finally, Jeno reveals that Jisung developed a temperature about an hour ago, and it isn’t going down.

"I’ve been applying cold towels but he’s still burning up,” Jeno’s voice comes over the phone, frantic and helpless. “What do I do, Jaemin-ah?"

Quickly taking control of the situation, Jaemin answers in an authoritative and reassuring tone.

"Just continue what you’ve been doing, hyung,” he encourages. “I’ll be there in a jiffy."

"You’re coming here?” Jeno sounds confused now, but relief is clear in his tone. “You don’t have to —"

"I’m leaving now,” Jaemin says in a tone that brooks no argument. Jeno falls silent, then replies shakily, “Thanks, Jaeminie,” before hanging up.

Jeno is sponging Jisung’s forehead with towels dunked in icy water, as he’d said, when Jaemin and Chenle arrive. Jaemin brought some of the children’s aspirin Chenle had gotten a prescription for the last time he got the sniffles, just in case Jeno didn’t have any. Jisung is pale and perspiring in his bed, and Chenle whimpers beside Jaemin, obviously worried for his friend.

"He’ll be okay,” Jaemin hushes him gently, sending him out to watch TV in the living room. Jeno’s jaw is set, clumsily squeezing water from a cloth twisted in his hands, knuckles white.

Jaemin places a hand on his shoulder. “Let me take over.” Jeno hasn’t even changed out of his work clothes.

"It’s my fault,” he says, looking up at Jaemin with guilt-stricken eyes. “He told me he wasn’t feeling great, but I was on an impromptu conference call and didn’t hang up until he started crying. Then I found him like this.” Jeno wrings the towel so hard, water drips on the floor.

"Don’t,” Jaemin says softly, reaching out to take the cloth from Jeno’s hand, stilling his anxious motions. “It’s not your fault, and he’s going to be just fine."

Jeno looks up at him, heart in his eyes. He looks like a little boy.

"I’ll take over,” Jaemin says, barely able to speak with the emotion like a knot in his throat. “Why don’t you go shower and change out of your clothes? Has he taken fever meds?"

Jeno nods, and silently gets to his feet, swaying a little. Jaemin steadies him with a hand on the small of his back and Jeno suddenly reaches around him and pulls him into his arms, without warning.

"Thank you,” he breathes again beside Jaemin’s ear. Enveloped in Jeno’s embrace, his scent is overwhelming, musky and dizzying. Jaemin detaches himself breathlessly.

"You’re welcome.” He locks eyes with the other man. “Go now.” He smiles a little, waving Jeno off, before quickly turning his attention to Jisung and sitting down beside the now flushed and restless boy.

Thirty minutes later, Jeno is all washed and dressed comfortably in faded sweats, hair toweled dry and leaning in the doorway of Jisung’s room, watching Jaemin’s final ministrations quietly. Jisung’s temperature is all but back to normal, and Jaemin feels angels lifting off his shoulders, he’s so relieved.

"He’s sleeping now,” he turns around to say unnecessarily, giving the elder another reassuring smile, and Jeno silently returns it, his smile touching his eyes this time.

"Let him sleep,” he mouths, motioning to Jaemin to get up and let him take the seat beside Jisung’s bed. Jaemin stands up, knees stiff, and feels Jeno’s hand on his elbow, supporting him.

The smile Jeno slips him before sitting down speaks volumes, and Jaemin breathlessly watches him bend over Jisung’s forehead and press a kiss to the matted hair on his temple. “Daddy,” Jisung mumbles in his slumber, and Jeno’s shoulders sag, Jaemin hearing him drawing in a shallow breath. Trying hard not to wake the boy, he embraces Jisung and tucks the covers around his chest more securely.

Feeling like he shouldn’t have witnessed such an intimate and vulnerable moment, Jaemin slips out of the door to look for Chenle, who is ever so obediently still watching cartoons in the sitting room despite his eyes looking solemn with repressed worry.

Jaemin gives him a hug after sitting down beside him. “Jisungie’s right as rain now.” Chenle deflates with relief against him, and Jaemin holds him closer, feeling more love for him than ever.

Though it was just a passing temperature, Jaemin can’t blame Jeno for panicking — in fact thinks more highly of him for it. He knows that Jeno could have easily broken the fever on his own, but Jaemin had wanted to come anyway, to take the load off his shoulders and just be there for his friend.

He thinks of Jisung calling _Daddy_ weakly, and Jeno saying _My baby_ , voice cracking, and in that moment, Jaemin isn’t sure who he loves more fiercely.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rating change! I have the outline of the remainder of the fic all planned out till the end, and the sex scene looks like it’s going to be more detailed than I expected. Not explicit, though because that isn’t really the point of this fic :) my writing never listens to me, but im kinda glad anyway bc I realised how patient readers have been with only crumbs and sexual tension for the last few chapters (lol) and I really wanted to write some payoff for my precious readers! (Not that my badly written sex scenes are any payoff lel)
> 
> Thank you all for being literal angels!

Jeno offers to drive Jaemin and Chenle home, but knowing he’s reluctant to leave a recuperating Jisung alone, Jaemin elects to cab back himself. Jeno pulls out his wallet, saying he can’t let Jaemin pay for coming over to help him, but Jaemin refuses to accept his money again; so Jeno eventually extends the offer of sleeping over again to him.

"I actually have a guest room, so if you don’t mind, you and Chenle can take it. I can drive you home early in the morning?"

Seeing Chenle dozing off on the couch and not wanting to fuss over trivialities knowing Jeno must be worn out, Jaemin hesitantly accepts the arrangement. The tired but pleased smile Jeno melts into is payoff enough.

After tucking Chenle, who is out like a log, into the luxurious bed, Jaemin tries to settle in beside him but his pulse is still overactive from all the excitement as well as being in the foreign and stimulating environment of his crush’s home.

Lying there with his eyes open, Jaemin hears shuffling outside the door and gets up to investigate the noises.

Jeno’s silhouette is sitting in the dark living room and Jaemin apprehensively flicks on the light. Jeno looks up in surprise, blinking. He’s drinking alcohol from a bottle, and seems embarrassed Jaemin found him.

"I thought you were sleeping,” he says in a low voice. Jaemin smiles stiffly and gestures to the couch.

"Can I join you?” Jeno promptly smiles back and pats the couch beside him. He reaches for another bottle of soju on the table and breaks the seal, handing it to Jaemin as he sits down.

Jaemin’s nerves calm as the cold liquid burns down his throat. He watches the movement of Jeno’s throat as he downs the rest of his bottle, then shifts his eyes away and takes another big gulp.

"Did I disturb you with the noise?” Jeno asks solicitously, and Jaemin shakes his head.

"I couldn’t sleep. Your bed is too comfortable,” he jokes, and the other finally cracks a smile. He looks so unattainable and yet so accessible at the same time, sitting a breath away from Jaemin, that his nerves are suddenly jangling for a whole different reason.

"What about you? Are you okay?” Jaemin pries softly, and Jeno shrugs.

"Yeah, a nightcap will help me sleep better.” He takes the last swig and sets down the empty bottle on the coffee table.

Still concerned that Jeno may not have stopped his self-reproach, Jaemin leans back on the couch and runs his lips over the rim of the glass bottle. “Let’s chat for a bit?"

Jeno narrows his eyes at what Jaemin is doing, then clears his throat and looks back at his hands on his knees. But he says, “Sure."

Satisfied, Jaemin continues drinking and waits for him to start. He doesn’t usually enjoy alcohol much but it’s now taking the edge off his awkwardness and emotions, their proximity reminding him of how Jeno hugged him earlier.

Jeno sighs and cracks his knuckles a few times, before thankfully speaking up.

"Every time I think I’ve finally gotten this… parenting thing down, something happens to let me know how cocky that is.

"I’m not the only one who’s _still_ always learning, am I?” Jeno looks frustrated and disappointed in himself, which tears at Jaemin’s heart more than anything else. Jeno is the last person in the world he’d call _cocky_. Jaemin immediately offers the reassurance he’s seeking.

"You got this.” He’s so impassioned he leans forward to find the other’s gaze. “You could do it in your sleep.

"You’ve been doing it for years, remember?” he reminds gently. “You’re no newbie."

Sometimes, he knows — parents, teachers and guardians alike — they all need a reminder like this.

That because this is the purest love in the world, it’s also going to have the most imperfections.

Jeno looks up at his words, surprise written clear on his face, then immense gratitude. Jaemin can almost see the stress sliding off his shoulders, and Jeno is looking at him like Jaemin hung the stars in the sky.

"I swear I’m going to get grey hairs prematurely because of this one day,” Jeno jokes when Jaemin can’t sustain eye contact, flustered. He laughs and Jaemin joins in, shaking his head at the hyperbole.

"They feed off our energy,” he concludes after thinking for a minute. “I know it’s hard sometimes, but we have to stay calm as the adults.” He feels like it may be out of his place to lecture an actual parent like this when he’s younger and not one, but he just wants to share whatever insight he can from what he’s learnt from school and on the job to help Jeno.

Jeno winces at the word, like it tastes bad. “Adulting sucks,” he states the fact bluntly, then mutters, “Sometimes I just want to be a kid again, with no cares and worries."

Jaemin doesn’t have anything to add to that. That’s the way it was, wasn’t it? They were always in such a hurry to grow up, before they found out it isn’t all it was cracked up to be. That’s precisely why they want their beloved kids to have the longest and most carefree childhoods possible.

"Then again, maybe not.” Jeno’s floodgates seem to finally be loosened by Jaemin’s subtle encouragement, and he’s glad to hear anything Jeno has to reveal, to get to know the other even a little more behind his mysterious facade.

"I was a mess as a teenager,” Jeno laughs, shaking his head. “You wouldn’t have liked me at all if we met back then."

Jaemin highly doubts that there could be any time when he wouldn’t like Jeno immediately, but he doesn’t say so.

"When Jisung was born, he changed my whole life. I really had to get my shit together. But it was more than worth it. He’s the most important thing in my life now,” Jeno says plainly, and Jaemin feels a dull ache, half jealous of Jisung for being loved so utterly, half happy for the boy.

Yes, that’s true too — never feeling good enough for the people they love, is only natural; but deep down, despite all the challenges, Jaemin feels the same as Jeno — knowing that they’re actually exactly where they should be, that all the hard-earned processes of trial and error are the very lessons that have brought them every step of the way.

"Nobody could be better than you. At being Jisung’s father."

Jeno looks up at Jaemin’s confident statement, eyes suddenly soft.

Unexpectedly, he picks up Jaemin’s hand on the couch beside him and squeezes it.

"Don’t let me fuck this up, Jaemin-ah,” Jeno says quietly, and Jaemin knows he’s talking about Jisung, but his damn heart still flutters. The half-empty soju bottle is melting in his other hand, and liquid courage makes him start to curl involuntary fingers over Jeno’s, gripping his warm, callused hand back, but Jeno has already pulled away. Jaemin swallows and retracts his hand into his lap, cursing inwardly at how he’d almost got careless and blown his cover. If anything, he’s the one in danger of fucking up their friendship if he continues letting his heart run free like this.

Irrationally mad at himself now, Jaemin swallows the rest of the drink and clinks it down on the table louder than necessary. Jeno glances over at him, brow starting to knit, but before he can join the dots, Jaemin quickly changes the subject and hides his reaction behind casual chattiness.

"Despite how it may seem, not everything they do is related to us. That’s what I learnt, anyway. Our lives probably revolve around them more than theirs revolve around us.” Jaemin tells Jeno about how when Chenle first arrived in Korea, right after his mother had returned to China, he would wet his bed almost every week.

Back then, Jaemin had been so sure it was because he’d done something wrong, that Chenle hated him — but his mother had reassured Jaemin that she was confident it was just a passing phase of night terrors the boy would outgrow soon; and she was right.

Now, Chenle sleeps so soundly and sweetly, he sometimes refuses to leave his bed when Jaemin rouses him in the morning, clinging to whichever of Jaemin’s plushies he’s chosen to sleep with that night.

"Sometimes it’s just growing pains,” Jaemin explains, knowing that Jeno is concerned about Jisung’s psychological health as much as his physical well-being. “No matter how much we want to protect them from harsh realities, they still have to experiment with some things themselves to grow and learn, the way we did too when we were growing up. Remember? Boys will be boys, after all.

"Plus, I think the most accurate barometer of parenting is how much your kid actually likes you, so since Jisungie _adores_ you — I’d say you pass with flying colours.” Despite his light-hearted tone, it’s true: Jeno’s approach to parenting impresses Jaemin more and more every day. Even before meeting the man, he’d sometimes noticed Jisung in his classes — it was hard not to, with how outstanding the boy is — and just noted with wonder how beautifully he’s growing up.

His parents must be great people, Jaemin had thought, and when he met Jeno, he hadn’t been disappointed. The fact that Jisung is spoiled so outrageously by all the grown-ups in his life, but isn’t the slightest bit bratty or entitled, is the biggest testament to his impeccable upbringing.

"You and that glib tongue of yours.” Jeno is shaking his head, but his eyes gleam with pleasure at Jaemin’s praise. Jaemin giggles, feeling absurdly _caressed_ by the words.

"What if Lele and Jisung have a fight in future?” Jaemin enquires, out of the blue. “Who will you side with, me or Jisung?"

He bites his lip to repress a smile, half-kidding, but Jeno looks thrown by his random multiple-choice question, eyebrows raised.

"My son, of course,” he replies eventually, eyes laughing at Jaemin’s wacky sense of humour. Jaemin pretends to huff and be offended, and Jeno just laughs out loud, pushing his elbow. Jaemin feels his giggles bubbling up and overflowing. He’s just so happy Jeno appears to have put the trying evening behind him.

"But seriously,” Jeno concludes, rubbing his hands on his knees, “I used to wish so much that Jisung was born just a little later, when I was at a more mature, less selfish age. But I don’t know why, since I met you — I hardly feel this way anymore.” Jeno’s voice is hushed with wonder, his eyes searching Jaemin’s. The sheer admiration in them once again makes Jaemin feel uncomfortable, despite being deeply moved by the words.

He clears his throat and shifts a little on the couch, putting an inch more of distance between them. Not trusting himself when Jeno looks so _bare_ and exposed before him. If things continue this way, Jeno might agree to whatever Jaemin wants, if he asks — but only as repayment for the emotional debt he thinks he owes Jaemin, and not because he _wants_ Jaemin like Jaemin wants him.

Jeno is so tough, but Jaemin can see clear as day that he would be so easily hurt. And Jaemin can’t do that, just because of one-sided feelings. Some friendships, he’s been willing to lose just to find out if the other party was interested in him. Not this one. This is different. Sacrosanct.

He has a feeling that if things fall apart, he’d be as easily hurt as Jeno, though he usually doesn’t have a glass heart.

"I believe everything happens for a reason,” he just says eventually, his voice hoarse and his hands pressed between his thighs. He can feel Jeno’s gaze heavy on his face, taking the words in. “The timing, the occasion — I like to think it’ll make sense, in the end.” He smiles, tentatively, hazarding a glance at the other’s eyes which look intense.

"Plus, I’m sure you’ve realised that you’ll still be really young when Jisung’s all grown up. You won’t even have to worry about a generation gap like other parents, then,” he adds cheekily to lighten the mood.

Jeno laughs then, startled and appreciative.

"You’re absolutely right. Ah, they grow up so fast, though. Soon he’ll be leaving the nest.” He sounds comically like an old man.

They end up chatting about everything and nothing, in person for a change instead of online. Jeno’s sheer presence is awfully distracting, his aura devastating even sleepy and soft like this. Jaemin is so fucked. He’s been trying to keep the other man out of his sexual fantasies but fuck… if this goes on, he might just accidentally think of Jeno while getting his rocks off.

It’s three a.m. when Jeno finally starts yawning a mile a minute, and Jaemin grins dopily, the booze having travelled through his system and making him feel loose-limbed.

"Go ahead to bed, you’ve had a long day,” he tells his friend, gesturing to the bottles. “I’ll clear this up."

Jeno nods obediently, not protesting to his surprise and stands up. He towers over Jaemin, eyes shrouded by shadow, and for a few heartbeats Jaemin thinks that Jeno might be about to hug him again or something. Which is crazy.

There’s a pregnant silence, then Jeno just murmurs, “Thanks, Jaeminie. Good night,” before turning and walking to his room. The door closes softly.

That was kinda weird, Jaemin thinks as he drifts to his own room and his heart slows to see Chenle dozing peacefully. He’s tired and finally feels able to sleep now after the satisfying talk. The hour is late but he’s no stranger to burning the midnight oil — when Chenle first came to his house, he’d done it on an almost daily basis until they settled into a comfortable routine. His parents had even asked him to reconsider housing Chenle, when the boy could stay with them, but he’d been adamant because by that time he was already taken with the boy. And he’d been right — it had all worked out in the end, and Chenle causes much less trouble and mess than he would’ve thought a six year old would create, before this.

They get a lot closer after that. Something has changed, shifted between them — perhaps Jeno has raised his status from _friend_ to _close friend_ , and Jaemin feels like he’s won a medal. He might’ve become addicted to the older man’s attention, and finds himself trying to act more mature, more adult than he actually is, just to see that awed smile cross Jeno’s chiseled features.

Though he isn’t always free and sometimes too shy to say hi, Jaemin always tries to look out if Jeno is picking Jisung up after school. Today, he gets childishly excited to see that it’s Jisung’s day with him, because Jaemin has something he’s bursting to show Jeno — to give him.

Jeno lights up when Jaemin approaches, as though he’s equally happy to catch Jaemin today.

"Hey,” he says softly, and makes the offer he always politely does at these times, “Can I drive you and Chenle home?"

Jaemin smiles, hesitating. “I don’t really need a ride, you know — but if you’re free… sure, I guess. I actually just had something for you."

"Food?” Jeno guesses, eyeing the carrier in his hand with interest, and Jaemin laughs.

"Yeah, I packed the lunch leftovers, but it’s not this.” He often does that and passes them to Jisung to take home, just the thought of Jeno enjoying his food privately warming him inside.

Jeno looks intrigued — maybe he likes surprises as much as Jaemin. He hesitates too, before asking, “You wanna come over? I can drive you guys home later on, after dinner. We can order some more food to share."

Jaemin feels his head nodding even before his mind processes it. Jeno grins, and grabs Chenle and Jisung’s hands with both of his own, leading them to the car as Jaemin trips to follow.

"It’s not much,” Jaemin hedges after the meal, feeling sheepish and hoping he hadn’t built up Jeno’s expectations. “It’s actually just… a photo."

"A photograph?” Jeno lifts his brow, looking curious.

"Yeah.” Jaemin blushes, feeling anticlimactic. “And it’s just on my phone too… but I was proud of it, I guess. Should’ve just sent it to you and not called it a gift."

"No, it’s fine.” Jeno doesn’t look disappointed, smiling like he’s cute. He tilts his head. “Are you interested in photography or something?"

Jaemin nods, shyly. “It’s one of my hobbies.” Jeno shows his impressed face again.

"What aren’t you good in?” he marvels, voice reverent. Jaemin has to swallow the flirtatious, sexual answer threatening to slip off his tongue.

He clears his throat and takes his phone out of his jeans pocket. Jeno leans closer, bangs almost brushing his own with static, and Jaemin jerks back sensitively. He fumbles with his phone, suddenly all thumbs.

It’s a picture of Chenle and Jisung he couldn’t resist snapping at school, while the boys were playing soccer in the nearby field. Behind them, the grass and sky is a bokeh blur of emerald and robin’s egg blue. He’d used portrait mode to focus on the subjects of the picture, and both boys are smiling so sunnily at each other, Jaemin knew he had to capture the moment forever.

"It’s beautiful,” Jeno says after drinking it in, voice thick. “You’re talented."

Jaemin waves off his praise, despite flushing in abject pleasure.

"Send it to me? I think I want to print it out and frame it.” Jeno winks at him, unexpectedly, and Jaemin’s mouth slackens. “It’ll look good on my bedside table."

Jeno wants to put his work on his bedside table — and possibly think of Jaemin every time he sleeps and wakes up?

The thought makes him feel on fire.

Later, they find themselves alone on the sofa again, the boys having abandoned them to play one of their private games that makes sense only to the two of them, in Jisung’s room. Jaemin decided not to bother Chenle since he’d have to tear them apart and take the boy home soon.

"Want to watch TV? Chenle told me you like dramas."

Jaemin smiles in embarrassment, clicking his tongue at the boy giving away his secrets.

"Do you like them?” he asks the elder, and Jeno shrugs ambivalently.

"I prefer movies."

Jaemin coughs, because he abruptly has the urge to ask Jeno to a movie, which would be totally weird, unless of course it involves the boys too and kids’ movies probably aren’t his thing. Instead, he blurts out, “Do you want me to read you a story?"

Jeno’s eyes round and he smiles in amazement, like Jaemin is constantly surprising him. It feels like flying, somehow.

"Sure.” Jeno nods enthusiastically. “Is that something you do for the kids at the preschool?"

Jaemin nods, sheepish. “I read to them from English children’s books sometimes."

_The Paper Menagerie_ by Ken Liu — it’s one of his favourite stories that he likes so much he has it saved in both English and Korean translation in his phone. The latter is what he recites slowly now, short and sweet enough to finish at one shot, enjoying the reread as much as Jeno’s expressive reactions as he takes in the story with as much wonder as the children in Jaemin’s classes.

"It’s amazing,” Jeno says after he finishes, voice pensive and thoughtful. Jaemin loves that he listened ever so carefully, that the story impacted him as much as it had Jaemin on his first read. He hopes — and is sure — that Jeno understands why Jaemin wanted to share this story with him.

Every extra day he spends with Jeno, besides making him more head over heels, inspires Jaemin to be a better guardian; a better person. To take this responsibility more seriously, while having more fun without worrying about what’s to come.

He’d heard from the arts and crafts teacher that the kids made drawings in class today, but when Chenle bashfully hands him the hand-drawn card after they arrive home and have dinner, Jaemin isn’t expecting it.

There’s a house drawn on the cover of the card, in pink crayon, immediately identifiable as their home. Two stick figures who are obviously them. No sign of Jeno and Jisung, which surprises him because the last time Chenle drew at home, he’d done the four of them with big grins on their faces, holding hands. It looks like this card is exclusively for him. Jaemin feels warmth bloom in his chest, a warmth only Chenle can plant in him.

He opens the card and sees a few lines of Chinese, to his amusement and mild frustration. Bending to Chenle’s level, Jaemin carefully asks if Chenle can translate it for him. He’s even more amused and piqued to see the boy shake his head coyly, eyes glimmering with silent laughter. He looks a little shy, which makes Jaemin even curiouser about what the card says.

"Please, Lele-yah?” he tries again, adding aegyo shamelessly, but Chenle only flashes that cheeky smile he knows Jaemin can’t resist, and flounces off to bed. Jaemin sighs heavily — the kid has him wrapped around his little finger. He really wants to know what the card reads, and finds himself pouting unconsciously.

He finds Chenle in his room, already tucked into bed.

"Count sheep with me, hyung?” he entreats, and Jaemin beams and sits down beside him.

"Thank you for the card, angel,” he whispers just before Chenle closes his eyes. “Promise I’ll figure out what it says.” The boy smiles with closed eyes, sweetly.

Of course he can’t miss out on any revelation of Chenle’s feelings for him — he’s been guilty as many other adults of scrolling through internet articles on “How to know if my six year old likes me”, combing for crumbs of validation foolishly and eagerly.

He has to regretfully inform Jeno that he’s busy the next day when the elder asks him out at the last minute on Friday. Jeno replies _It’s ok_ with a smile emoji, and Jaemin feels bad for thinking about it the next day when he’s waiting for Renjun and supposed to be focused on him. So when he sees Jeno in the distance, in the shopping mall, Jaemin blinks in confusion, half-thinking it’s his thoughts that conjured a hallucination of the other man up at first.

Jeno is dressed preppily in casual streetwear and loafers, looking head-turning. He has his hands in the pockets of his slacks and is looking at something behind him. Having realised that it’s not an illusion and Jeno has truly come to the same mall as him, for whatever reason (maybe their brain waves are that in sync), Jaemin is about to awkwardly call out to him when Jisung pops up from behind his father, pointing at Jaemin with huge eyes.

Jeno follows Jisung’s gaze towards where Jaemin is standing, and his eyes widen comically too. Jaemin almost laughs, shifting from foot to foot awkwardly as Jeno runs his gaze over him from head to toe, taking Jaemin in from the distance. For some utterly ridiculous reason he feels _undressed_ by the other’s sharp eyes.

Then Jeno dissolves into the most puppylike grin ever, and he starts heading over to Jaemin, taking big strides as if he can’t contain his excitement.

Halfway to him, Jeno stops short, his smile faltering, and Jaemin feels arms wrapping lazily around his neck, Renjun’s breath on his cheek as he beams. “Nana! I’ve been missing you!"

Before Jaemin can detach himself, Renjun has given him a sloppy, playful kiss on the cheek. Jaemin’s eyes are still on Jeno’s face, and he sees it fall with a clenching sensation in his chest.

Jaemin panics as Jeno starts walking towards them again, slower, his face now sober without traces of the previous smile. He’s trying to figure out how to convey to the other that Renjun was just being his usual overfriendly self because they haven’t met in a month, then feels slightly confused about why he feels the need to even explain anything.

When Jeno is in front of them, one hand holding Jisung’s, Jaemin registers an uncertain, lost look in his expression he’s never seen. His gaze flickers between them as Renjun silently stares back in confusion too, waiting for someone to explain who Jeno is but not letting go of Jaemin’s shoulders.

"Hi,” Jeno says awkwardly. He seems to be sizing up Renjun in a mildly competitive manner Jaemin knows some men do with each other, but never seen Jeno doing to any other guys, including himself.

"Hi?” Jaemin chokes out, the awkwardness thick in the air that can suddenly be cut by a knife. Jisung pipes up from beside Jeno, and Renjun’s eyes move down to him, relaxing and smiling a little which is the effect Jisung has on most adults.

"Jaemin hyung, why are you here? Daddy said he asked you and Lele to come out with us but you were busy.” Jisung pouts, and when Jaemin’s eyes move to Jeno’s face again there’s now a somewhat accusing look in them even as he adds nothing.

This is ridiculous. Feeling heat creeping up his neck, Jaemin finally peels an unresisting Renjun off him, and answers, “Hyung was busy, I’m out with my friend, see? Greet Uncle Renjun, Jisungie."

"Uncle Renjun,” Jisung echoes obediently, dimpling. “Are you Chinese like Chenle?” His mouth falls open in childlike wonder.

Renjun grins and nods, almost cooing at Jisung’s cuteness. “You know Lele too?"

"I’m his best friend!” Jisung proudly proclaims. “Is he here too?” he demands, looking around.

"No Sungie, he’s at hyung’s parents’ house,” Jaemin answers to the boy’s face falling.

“Aww!"

Jeno clears his throat, tightening his grip over Jisung’s hand. Jaemin’s eyes move back to him. Jeno is still looking at Renjun, and he finally smiles, but it’s a stiff facsimile of the eye crescents Jaemin knows.

"Lee Jeno.” He sticks out his free hand, and Renjun adjusts his beret nervously before taking it. They shake awkwardly and after Renjun introduces himself, seeming intimidated by the uncharacteristic sternness Jeno is suddenly exuding, Jaemin feels the need to babble to fill the silence, “Jisung is Chenle’s classmate, that’s how we know each other.” Renjun makes a noise of understanding and smiles.

"Well, I suppose we should go…” Jaemin glances at Renjun. “We have a lunch reservation."

"Don’t let me keep you,” Jeno says, impassively when Jaemin looks back at him. The pit in his stomach deepens as Jeno’s face remains blank and he doesn’t meet Jaemin’s gaze.

"It was nice meeting you,” Jeno tells Renjun politely, before turning to Jisung without making final eye contact with Jaemin. “Let’s go, Sungie."

They watch the duo walk away with only Jisung turning back to wave at Jaemin. Jaemin waves back, smiling weakly and wondering what the hell just happened. He still feels like Jeno may have been a hallucination, with how different from usual he was acting. Maybe Jaemin caught him on a bad day or something — but Jeno has always been faultlessly kind and smiling no matter the occasion, and he’d looked perfectly delighted to see Jaemin earlier.

"He’s… nice,” Renjun says politely, slinging an arm over Jaemin again, and Jaemin wants to defend Jeno, but just sighs.

"Let’s just go eat. I’ll show you Lele’s card in the restaurant."


	5. Chapter 5

After they spend the pleasant meal catching up on Renjun’s nephew — Jaemin’s class last year was his alma mater — and Chenle, Jaemin takes out Chenle’s card from his bag, carefully slid into a plastic folder. Renjun smiles at the childish drawing even before he opens it.

Jaemin waits with bated breath for Renjun’s translation, and still, it pulls the rug from under his feet.

Renjun chuckles as he reads the lines indulgently. “His written Chinese is still pretty up to scratch, I’m impressed. Though there are a few grammar and character mistakes — he needs another tutoring session soon."

"Of course — but what does it say?” Jaemin demands, impatient, and Renjun apologises for sidetracking.

"How sweet, it reads — _Best year of my life, with Jaemin ge_."

Jaemin’s heart shook, then. Sweet, lovely Chenle. Again, he’s found a way to best Jaemin. It’s been the most unforgettable, warmest year of Jaemin’s life too, and he’d underestimated the child’s cognitive and socio-emotional ability, not trusting Chenle to understand even if Jaemin truthfully professes how much Chenle means to him.

He’d sensed the card contained a special message, and hadn’t been wrong.

"Thanks so much, hyung.” Jaemin is so moved, he reaches across the table to grasp Renjun’s hand. The older man laughs with pleasure and shakes his head modestly.

"You’re always welcome. If you want to repay me, don’t buy me this meal — meet me more often because I really miss you and Lele. Of course, bring him along next time."

Jaemin agrees without hesitation to meet Renjun and Xuxi (who Chenle idolises) for a playdate soon.

After he picks Chenle up and they’ve had dinner at his parents’ and returned home, Jaemin finds his thoughts going back to Jeno again.

He’s the only one who’d really know how Jaemin feels about Chenle’s words, so the only person he really feels like sharing with.

Jeno’s phone rings for slightly longer than usual, that Jaemin thinks he’s not going to pick up. Then —

"Hello?"

"Jen — hyung?” he stutters.

"What is it?” Jeno’s tone sounds remote and cool over the phone, like a stranger. Jaemin swallows — it seems whatever was bothering him in the morning still is.

"Nothing, I was just wondering… what are you doing?"

"Did you just get home?"

"I… yeah. Why?"

There’s a silence, then Jeno says, “That guy today… your friend? You never mentioned him before."

Jaemin hums. “Yeah, we go way back. His nephew Xuxi was my student last year, and Chenle visits him occasionally for tutoring sessions so he doesn’t forget his Mandarin. He really helped us communicate a lot back when Lele’s Korean wasn’t fluent yet.” Realising he’s started rambling again, he falls silent.

Another stilted pause, before Jeno says, “I see. He seems like a nice person."

"He is, Injunnie hyung is really mature too. I think you’d like him — if you and Jisung would like to join us on our next playdate."

"Huh. Think we’ll pass on that.” Jaemin’s stomach tightens again at the hardness in Jeno’s usual laidback tone. Even over the phone, there’s a palpable tension that usually isn’t there.

"What’s wrong?” He finally brings up the elephant in the room. “You’ve been… acting strange since the mall.” He feels something bubbling up in him at Jeno’s sudden coldness — frustration.

There’s a stunned silence, as if he didn’t expect Jaemin to ask the question directly. Jaemin thinks Jeno’s not going to answer for a moment, but he eventually clears his throat, deep voice coming over the phone.

"It’s nothing. I just realised how much I’ve been imposing on you. I’m sorry."

"Imposing?” He feels the word somewhere in his solar plexus.

"Yes, you were just being kind to me as a parent, like you do with all other parents —"

"I don’t —“ Jaemin cuts in, but Jeno doesn’t stop.

"And I took advantage of it; I took up the time of your day because I was lonely and it’d been so long since I had someone to talk to —"

"Wait. Jeno. Hyung. What are you talking about?” Jaemin raises his voice to finally make the other’s stream of words halt.

There’s the longest and most painful silence in the world. Then Jeno’s distant voice again, this time with a finality that makes Jaemin feel cold.

"It’s whatever. It doesn’t matter anymore."

"Oh, is that so?” The frustration roiling in his gut has now reached boiling point, and Jaemin hears his cutting tone before considering it. “I’m still not sure what exactly your problem is, but trust me, it doesn’t matter to me either."

The slam of the telephone receiver echoes in the room after he hangs up.

It’s not an overstatement to say he regrets _immediately_ after the impulsive act. It’d just — made him lose all his bearings, when Jeno who is usually like a giant teddy bear became aloof and guarded, keeping him at arm’s length. He hadn’t known the other man has this side to him, despite already knowing he can be standoffish — he’d never felt it directed at him; and it hurt.

How much does he really know about Jeno, anyway? It seemed they’d gotten incredibly close, too fast, and yes, Jeno knows Jaemin is lactose intolerant and Jaemin knows he’s allergic to cat fur, but do these trivia even mean anything?

He realises dimly that all the ups and downs of recent weeks, his building helplessness about Chenle leaving him in the future, coupled with the growing intensity with which he _wants_ Jeno but can’t have him, had simmered to a snapping point. And when Jeno brought up the word _imposing_ — Jaemin had grown self-conscious, though he’s never thought that about Jeno. Perhaps Jeno was trying to hint that he’s the one imposing on him, bothering him and being a nuisance to the elder?

Jaemin has always prided himself on his communication skills, with both children and adults. But when it came to the most important confrontation, he wasn’t able to say a word. He got upset: upset that he’s become stupidly attached to Jeno and Jisung just like he got attached to Chenle, without the guarantee that any of them wouldn’t leave him.

To not be indispensable to the people who are indispensable to him — how naive and foolish, a recipe for heartbreak. Jaemin should have guarded his heart better.

He’d been so happy when he found out Jeno is more comfortable with him, than most other people. He’d felt special. Amazing, actually.

Now, all he can think of is Jeno’s stunned and wounded expression when Jaemin hung up, pissed off, on him. He didn’t witness it, but by now he already knows the man so well he can see it clearly in his mind’s eye. Then he shakes it from his head belligerently. He deserved it, and Jaemin definitely isn’t going to apologise first.

Jeno doesn’t call or text back. The radio silence from his end eats at Jaemin like something crawling under his skin. Could his rash action have made the other man write him off for good?

Jaemin is distracted at school, at work. The lunch he makes tastes bland and off. He avoids looking in Jisung’s direction. On their way home, in the packed bus, he snaps at Chenle over something trivial, and instantly feels contrite at his expression, apologising and hugging him right there.

He joked about Chenle and Jisung having a fight just a short time ago, not expecting them adults to be the ones to quarrel first. It’s so juvenile — but Jaemin still isn’t going to make the first move, despite itching to and knowing he should. With Jeno’s personality, he’s undoubtedly thinking now that Jaemin is mad at him, and too timid to reach out.

Jaemin _is_ mad — but not for that reason. He’s mad at himself for allowing Jeno to affect him to the point of distraction, to get under his skin like nobody else has.

He’s pacing the room like a caged tiger, phone maddeningly silent, and losing hope that Jeno is going to contact him today again. Maybe he’s already asleep, unlike Jaemin who doubtlessly won’t be able to sleep tonight due to overthinking this — at this thought, he accidentally on purpose kicks the foot of his bed, stubbing his toes. The pain that shoots up his leg makes him yelp and stumble.

There’s a knock on his door, tentative. “Jaemin hyung?"

"Lele, go to bed,” Jaemin calls, his eyes stinging. He flops back onto the bed, and clenches his jaw before resolutely grabbing the phone and switching it off. Even if he can’t sleep, he’s not going to go on waiting like an idiot.

He’s been drowning himself in computer games for an hour, only stopping to pop into Chenle’s room to check he’s asleep, when there’s a distant banging. Jaemin pauses the sound on the computer, frowning.

It’s coming from the front door. Who the hell could be here at close to midnight?

Not wanting to wake Chenle up after he’s already been negligent all day, Jaemin hastens through the house to throw the door open.

Jeno is standing there, filling up the doorframe, looking so stricken and wild-eyed that Jaemin’s words die in his throat. Jeno swallows visibly when he sees him, running a hand through his already tousled hair.

"What…” Jaemin starts, then checks his tone, realising he’s hiding the wobbliness of his voice behind roughness.

Jeno relaxes his set jaw with difficulty, then speaks up. “Chenle… texted Jisung that you might’ve hurt yourself. Are you okay?” He’s running eyes down Jaemin’s body, from head to toe.

"Uh… yeah.” Jaemin can’t even process this. He feels bad Chenle went to sleep thinking he was hurt, when he was just playing computer games now.

Jeno stares at him, his eyes dark with something like frustration. Jaemin’s heart skips a beat.

"I… accidentally kicked the bed, I guess.” He’s rambling again under that impenetrable gaze, from which he can’t tell if Jeno is still pissed or not. He’s still trying to wrap his head around the implications of the other man rushing here at this hour just because of one text from a child — holy shit.

"Accidentally?” Jeno repeats, his eyes steady on Jaemin’s. He looks like he wants to step closer, but is holding himself back — and though they’re almost the same height, Jaemin suddenly feels as if Jeno is towering over him.

"Why is your phone off?” Jeno says in a low voice. “I was worried."

 _Worried?_ So he’d tried to call, in the end? Fuck — Jaemin’s hands are shaking. He shoves them into his pockets.

"I was just playing computer games, and going to turn in.” He means his voice to sound casual but it comes out higher than normal.

"Oh,” Jeno breathes, seeming to deflate. Jaemin’s eyes move down from his glasses to hoodie and track bottoms. Jeno shifts his right hand behind his back, but not before Jaemin glimpses the grazes on his knuckles.

"What happened to your hand? Are _you_ hurt?” Despite himself, his worrywart personality slips out again, and Jaemin thinks he sees a flicker of softening in those eyes.

Jeno coughs. “It’s nothing. I hit a wall accidentally."

"Accidentally?” Jaemin echoes softly, heart racing as his eyes lock with Jeno’s sheepish ones. With the elder right before him as he longed for all day, he’s conveniently forgotten everything he wanted to say.

Now, Jeno seems to be looking vaguely mortified, as if he just rushed here without thinking upon hearing from Chenle. It’s such a — such a grand, sweeping gesture that Jaemin’s suddenly floored. Everything else is long forgiven for him — how could it not be?

Jeno backs off, breaking their eye contact and looking ill at ease. “Jisungie’s… waiting in the car at the lobby. I guess since you’re okay… I’ll be going."

"Wait,” Jaemin blurts out before thinking. Jeno’s head snaps up, eyes guarded but hopeful.

Jaemin flushes, gripping the door handle. “I think… we need to talk. Can we?"

Jeno frowns, and he adds quickly, “Jisung can come up and sleep here first, he’ll be all right with Chenle for awhile.

"They’re big boys now,” he reminds Jeno, almost cheekily, and the other cracks a relieving smile.

In the time while Jeno brings Jisung up and settles him into Jaemin’s pull-out couch, Jaemin changes into a warmer pink-coloured sweater in his room, one of his nicer clothes. He pops a breath mint into his mouth and chews too — it feels stupid, but he desperately wants to take the opportunity for damage control.

They walk to Chenle’s favourite playground which is a stone’s throw away from his apartment building. Jeno’s hands are thrust in his pockets and his eyes remain on the ground as they walk, not as close to Jaemin as usual.

"I’m sorry for hanging up the day before,” Jaemin takes a breath and says, knowing full well it’s his serve, when Jeno has come all the way here.

A sidelong glance from Jeno, and a small smile graces his lips, only relief and no resentment in it.

"It was my fault,” he mutters humbly. “I was rude first."

Jaemin closes his eyes; the tiff just seems so petty now. He’s glad they made up before the day ended, so now he can get a peaceful sleep.

They sit down on the swing set at the playground. Jeno curls his scuffed hand over the oxidizing chains, and Jaemin stares at the breadth and coarseness of it, _wanting_.

"What did you want to talk about?” Jeno pipes up hesitantly, not seeming to notice his attention.

Jaemin takes another bracing breath, not sure where to start, only that he wants to share this with Jeno. One of the deepest, most personal feelings he has. Jeno has long confided in him all about his thoughts regarding Jisung, but that’s different. Jisung is Jeno’s flesh and blood.

Chenle isn’t Jaemin’s.

Even as he grew more eager to discuss it with Jeno, Jaemin worried that the elder would judge him — as a parent, for coveting another parent’s child.

But just like with Jeno and Jisung — the more Jaemin tried to stop himself from getting invested, all the more it backfired.

"Part of the reason I reacted so sensitively that night was… there’s been something on my mind, I guess."

Jeno looks up, eyes wide and concerned in a way that makes a lump rise in Jaemin’s throat. Jeno still cares for him; it’s obvious. He’d been worried for nothing.

"Tell me,” he says softly, leaning forward to listen.

Jaemin smiles shakily. “I’m kind of ashamed."

"I’m not going to judge you,” Jeno says, making him stop short. As if he read Jaemin’s mind like a book. “Is it…” he hesitates, looking nervous too. “It's not about me?"

Jaemin quickly shakes his head. Well, it is kind of complicated by his feelings for Jeno, but he’d never reveal that.

"It’s about Lele,” he says, and Jeno looks relieved.

"What about him?"

"Well, obviously… He’s not mine.” Jaemin winces. “And I know I’m lucky to have had him, even for this amount of time — and it’s so freaking selfish, but it _hurts_.

"Boys need their mothers,” he finishes, realising he’s made close to no sense with his outpouring. But he’s emotionally worn out and all he can think of is when he was Chenle’s age and would get uneasy just being away from his mother for a short while. Chenle has been so brave, while Jaemin is such a wimp.

"Jaemin,” Jeno says quietly, and when Jaemin can’t look up at him, Jeno takes his shoulders and makes him.

Jeno’s eyes are softer than they’ve been since the morning before, as soft as Jaemin knows they can be, maybe even softer. He could melt — he never thought the other man would look at him like this again. It hits him anew now, the fact that he can’t lose this.

Jeno holds his gaze with that sincerity of his Jaemin is in love with. “You are the most unselfish person I know,” he says, emphatically.

And Jaemin isn’t sure if it’s the words, or Jeno’s yearned-for hands gripping his shoulders, but he dissolves without warning, slumping bonelessly into the arms that catch him with surprise.

The swings creak as Jeno awkwardly folds his arms around Jaemin, loose and trembling slightly on Jaemin’s back as if he isn’t sure how to.

They stay like this for a few heartbeats. Then Jaemin feels a touch on his hair — Jeno’s lips? Or just his face? — and hears a shiver-raising chuckle by his ear.

"What are we going to do with you and your bleeding heart?"

Jaemin can’t see Jeno’s face, but the tenderness in his voice is tangible, loosening the last remaining knot in Jaemin’s chest. There's not a single trace of distance left in his tone, all honeyed warmth. Their position is getting stiff but he doesn’t ever want to leave Jeno’s comforting embrace. His kindness makes Jaemin feel childish and juvenile in the best way, acutely aware of the mere two years age difference between them.

So adult and sophisticated, yet clumsy and naive at the same time — how could Jaemin even _look_ at anyone else?

"Everything happens for a reason.” Jaemin stills as he hears the words intoned, in Jeno’s mellifluous voice. “That’s what you taught me. Remember?"

Jaemin nods, digesting the advice. They’ve awkwardly detached by now, and he stares longingly at Jeno’s arms, craving more make-up hugs and friendly caresses.

"I didn’t know you had so much on your mind.” Jeno clears his throat, looking ashamed. “I shouldn’t have added to it. I guess… I just suddenly felt self-conscious about… acting so needy this whole time.” He flushes a little, looking down at his hands.

 _I’m the one who needs you_. The words burn south of Jaemin’s throat. He’s ready to fuck everything and just jump Jeno now — consequences and fallout be damned. He can’t hold back any longer.

Just as Jaemin is trying to think of how to broach this topic in a more romantic way than _By the way hyung, I’m homosexually attracted to you_ ; Jeno flashes him a devastating smile and murmurs, “Let’s never argue again."

"Deal,” Jaemin promises so fast, he almost gets whiplash.

Seeming more relaxed now, Jeno starts his swing moving a little with his feet scuffing the ground. Watching him gain momentum, looking carefree, Jaemin realises — they’re still kids after all, aren’t they? Being a parent notwithstanding — twenty-five is arguably a tender, young age.

He feels a rush of sympathy for Jeno’s inner child which he must have repressed in the past few years, unable to indulge it, forced to grow up prematurely and act older than his age due to circumstances.

The raw, uncontrolled reactions he saw in Jeno when he met Renjun, had reminded Jaemin of this. He resolves something to himself — since Jeno lets everybody depend on him, Jaemin will take it upon himself to be the one Jeno depends on, from now on.

Jeno stops swinging and looks at his face, as if trying to figure out something. Jaemin raises his eyebrows.

"Am I…” Jeno tightens his hands around the chains, teeth worrying his lip. “Am I just Jisung’s father to you?"

"What do you mean?” Jaemin furrows his brow and tilts his head.

Jeno looks frustrated again, voice strangled. “Am I just one of your students’ parents? Are you just being friendly, nothing more?"

Jaemin blinks, something dimly dawning in the back of his consciousness, though he can’t put a finger on it yet. “No… you’re Jeno hyung,” he says slowly, in confusion as the imminent realisation seems to speed towards him like a meteorite. “You’re a —"

"I know I’m a good father,” Jeno interrupts, eyes flashing, though that wasn’t what he was about to say. “But how do you… how do you see me — as a man?"

Jaemin’s breath catches at the question, mind reeling. He fancies he may have heard wrongly, but Jeno spoke pretty loudly and clearly. There’s no mistake about what he asked, except that Jaemin can’t believe it.

Or maybe… thinking back to the incident at the mall, and other things he’d filed away, without awareness… maybe he finally understands. Maybe the meteorite has hit his consciousness, crashing into the stratosphere of his orbit without him even knowing.

Jaemin stares at Jeno’s brooding expression as he awaits Jaemin’s answer, jaw tight and face pale in the moonlight. The refraction of his glasses makes his eyes appear unreadable, and Jaemin wants to reach out and take them off, but Jeno’s hands are clenched in his lap and he looks like if Jaemin touched him he would implode or something.

Jaemin thinks about the oxymoron Jeno is — his sleek pantherlike grace and excruciating awkwardness; how selfless and self-effacing he is. Despite being young, rich and excelling in every area, he never acts like it, seeing his foibles more clearly than anybody else. Gentle, stubborn Jeno. Maybe when Jaemin saw the devotion with which Jisung is loved, he’d already wanted to be loved this unreservedly, right from the start. He wanted this reliable, solid bedrock in his life.

He wanted _Jeno_.

Now, like a fever dream, his longtime crush is sitting before him, heart in his eyes, asking Jaemin the question he now understands without Jeno having to spell it out.

But apparently, his delay in response makes Jeno think he isn’t being clear enough, that Jaemin is still clueless, because Jeno draws a deep inhale and forces himself to continue. He’s trying _so hard_ , despite the redness in his ears having spread to his cheekbones. Jaemin _loves_ him.

And he could expire of happiness that all this time, Jeno has apparently liked him back.

"I learnt that…” Jeno starts, and Jaemin leans forward, wanting to hear what he has to say eagerly, “Life never waits for us to be ready.” He nods, as if deciding something; raises his eyes to Jaemin’s again with steel in them now.

"How would you respond if…” Jeno continues floundering, so earnest Jaemin feels bad for him. “If I told you I’m interested in men? Hypothetically.” His face is flaming now.

Jaemin rushes in to put him out of his agony. His voice cracks embarrassingly but he doesn’t even care, can’t take the secondhand embarrassment for the person he loves anymore.

Though, he’s probably no better because Jeno’s jaw drops when he says the next words.

"I would confess...” Jaemin hides his face behind his hands, unable to look at him. “Jaemin likes Jeno. Has liked him from the first day they met."

He doesn’t even say it in a cutesy tone or with aegyo or anything, like the kids, but it’s so fucking embarrassing he almost cringes into oblivion. Somehow he felt he really had to confess this way, though.

"Are you serious?” Jeno’s voice is breaking too, so Jaemin feels marginally less humiliated. “You’re not messing with me?"

Jaemin peeks from behind his hands. Jeno’s face looks stripped bare for the first time since Jaemin met him. It brings him to his knees, the naked look in Jeno’s eyes.

This time, he does follow his heart and reach out to take Jeno’s glasses off, awkwardly but gently. Jeno appears to shiver at his touch, and Jaemin can finally see his eyes. They’re so dark and full of emotion, he could drown in them.

"You’re… bisexual?” he asks quietly with their eyes locked, staring at Jeno seriously.

The other man nods, faltering a little bashfully, and Jaemin smiles, folding up Jeno’s glasses and sliding them into his pocket.

"So am I."

"I thought you were straight as an arrow!"

"I thought _you_ were straight as an arrow. You literally have a son —"

"Okay, yeah, that was my fault.” Jaemin isn’t prepared for Jeno to back down first, looking truly repentant.

"I’m sorry —“ He catches his breath. “I should’ve levelled with you earlier, but I was too much of a coward. I’m sorry for how gracelessly I acted the day before — but when I saw another guy kissing you, all I could think was, what if I’m too late and you’re already taken by someone else? That would’ve killed me.

"That was when I realised — _Shit, I really like Jaemin_."

 _I really like Jaemin_. The words make something short circuit inside him. Jeno can’t be doing this, spouting these words while grinning his devastating, pained grin.

 _This isn’t funny_ , Jaemin wants to croak. _I could seriously fall in love with you_.

"Does Jisung’s mother know… about your sexuality?” He’s not sure why he blurts this out, just suddenly more curious, now that they’re _together_ , about Jeno’s ex-spouse.

His new… boyfriend hesitates before replying with his usual candour.

"I respect her a lot for what she’s done for Jisungie, but at that time we were so young and everything I did was just… not enough. I wasn’t straight enough, a good enough husband, a competent enough father — though to be fair, I was winging most of it back then. That’s why… we tried, for the child, but it didn’t work out with me and Yeeun."

 _Yeeun_. It’s the first time Jeno mentioned his ex’s name, and Jaemin feels a pang thinking of their shared, private history. Is it this ugly, possessive feeling Jeno revealed he felt about Renjun?

"Cold?” He hears Jeno’s soft voice, and refocuses on him. He’s eyeing how Jaemin is absently tugging at the sleeves of his cable knit sweater, down over his wrists; and there’s something about his eyes — maybe Jeno has a sweater paws kink?

Gasping softly, Jaemin promptly forgets what he was dwelling on and channels all his focus into making his sleeve-tugging actions seductive.

"C’mere,” Jeno murmurs, within a minute, his voice kind of husky. Jaemin stands up from his swing and moves in front of his brand new boyfriend, heart pounding. Jeno doesn’t look up at him, just slowly nuzzles his face into Jaemin’s sweater, making him shudder. The static of the wool crackles against Jeno’s skin as he slides arms around Jaemin’s waist, casual but proprietary.

Jaemin reaches down to take Jeno’s right hand, and brings the skinned knuckles up to his lips to brush them across tender skin. Jeno does shiver this time, his hand trembling in Jaemin’s, fingers curling over his palm. His other arm tightens over Jaemin’s torso as he inhales deeply in Jaemin’s sweater.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologise - I do remember that at various points near the start of the fic I said it'd be within 10k words, then within 20k... I honestly didn't mean to mislead anyone, this just got out of hand, so im sorry for that mess, and thank you for bearing with me bc I do know some parts of this fic could have been tighter :))
> 
> anyway, if you're still here - i adore you and let's cross the finish line together :3
> 
> edit: ajskd I realised I mixed up the days I forgot I was writing about Saturday and skipped straight to Monday LOL I've edited whatever errors I found but do point out to me if there are any more glitches here and there!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a note that this fic is going to have an epilogue (as you may know my style) to tie up all the loose ends and bid goodbye to the verse properly! so if you’re not tired of this verse yet, and still interested to read more, do stick around for the last chapter :))

When Jaemin starts carding fingers through his surprisingly silky hair, Jeno lets go of him and stands up too. At a closer proximity than they’ve ever been before, a hair’s breadth away, Jaemin’s breath whooshes a little at how Jeno is that bit taller than him, broader than him, and he’s really feeling this size difference magnified right now.

Jeno’s eyes are limpid as they pierce Jaemin’s and he suddenly wishes he hadn’t taken off his glasses. “Can I…?” Jeno whispers hoarsely, gaze dragging down to Jaemin’s mouth, intent clear; and Jaemin sucks in a breath, own eyes instinctively dipping to Jeno’s plush kissable lips.

He’s long been aware of his unnerving habit of staring at people’s lips when they’re talking, so he’d been deliberately careful thus far to pointedly not stare at Jeno’s. It’s liberating to be able to openly feast his eyes now.

Taking his greedy look as consent, Jaemin jumps slightly as he feels Jeno’s thumb on the corner of his mouth, starting to stroke it over Jaemin’s lips tenderly. The rough pads of his fingers steal Jaemin’s oxygen.

Jeno leans in, their breaths already mingling, question still in his eyes, and Jaemin squeezes his own shut and nods, so ready. He feels Jeno replacing his fingers with his mouth, warm and soft on Jaemin’s, surprisingly so in an awkward chaste kiss. Their noses bump at first, but Jaemin tilts his head a little and Jeno moves his hands down to his hips to hold him still.

Jaemin makes an embarrassing noise at Jeno grabbing his hips, and Jeno squeezes his hipbones as Jaemin prods at the seam of his lips with his tongue, eagerly and impatiently. His heart is hammering out of his chest and he’s positive Jeno can feel it.

Jeno’s mouth is hot and hungry, responsive. Jaemin has his hands in his hair again and is practically grabbing Jeno’s head, practically trying to suck his soul out.

Jeno has to finally break away, wheezing for air, choking out laughter at Jaemin’s overexcitement. Jaemin whines even while gulping down air too, his hands not letting go and having wandered down the other man’s shoulder blades and back, spanning his waist.

"Are you _checking me out_?” Jeno snorts incredulously and Jaemin’s freezes, caught red-handed. It’s because Jeno is stunningly, mouth-wateringly built, more so than Jaemin had dreamed or could tell from behind the layers of dress shirt and suit jacket he’s usually hidden in.

He’d seen the elliptical in Jeno’s living room and the weights set in his bedroom, but he has to be a gym bunny or something on top of those, to have _this_ body. Jaemin can’t stop tracing the almost flawless sinew and definition despite burning with shame.

"I need to sit down,” Jeno finally stammers as Jaemin peels his hands off reluctantly. “Have mercy; I’m an old man."

Jaemin laughs out loud at that, though he can tell Jeno’s knees are really shaking, his lips looking ravaged and kiss-swollen, his face nearly as red, stained prettily with a high flush. He feels proud he overwhelmed Jeno like that, that he’s obviously as breathless and undone as Jaemin.

Jeno stumbles to the nearby park bench, dragging him by the hand. Jaemin tentatively sits down sideways on his lap, careful not to rest his full weight on Jeno until Jeno wraps his arms around him, seeming not to mind. Jaemin melts against him, resting his head awkwardly on Jeno’s shoulder and relaxing his tense body.

"Sorry, my lips are kinda chapped,” he murmurs, now wishing he had dug out the peach chapstick one of his ex-girlfriends left behind in his drawer and thought to apply it before coming out.

Jeno laughs, amusement threaded through it. “Your lips are perfect,” he replies, then blushes hotly down to his neck. Jaemin kisses the warm skin, and Jeno makes a muffled noise in his throat, tightening his arms around him.

"Jeno-yah,” Jaemin murmurs, feeling his boyfriend stir against him. Their hair on each other’s cheeks; so close he’s wrapped up by the scent of Jeno’s soap and shampoo — it’s unbelievably intimate like the name he’s been longing to call without honourifics since forever. “Is it okay if I call you that?"

The answering smile he receives is heart-melting. “Of course."

A silence falls before Jeno adds, “Though I really like you calling me hyung."

Jaemin blushes and jabs his ribs for making him flustered. “You’re so cheesy, I’m reconsidering this."

He giggles at the other’s wide and panicked eyes. “ _Kidding_."

A giggle rumbles low in Jeno’s throat too, and he shifts his knees, bouncing Jaemin a bit in his lap and making his thoughts instantly take an impure turn. Surprising him with his initiative, Jeno reaches up behind Jaemin’s head to weave his fingers through Jaemin’s hair.

"Ah… your fucking pink hair was driving me crazy."

Jaemin swallows hard, Jeno’s elegant fingers playing across his scalp not helping. So he _had_ liked the dye job. The roots are growing out now so it’s more of a pink ombre, but Jeno looks no less smitten so he guesses it still looks pretty good.

Thinking he’s slick, Jaemin’s hands snake back to Jeno’s body too, attempting to cop another feel. Just thinking of how he’s been celibate for months now, saving himself for the other man with only his right hand to have sex with, makes him start accidentally on purpose rubbing his ass against Jeno’s lap.

Jeno places a hand on his thigh, dangerously near his dick, effectively freezing him. Jaemin’s whole body is stiff and he quavers at Jeno’s voice, even lower now.

"Not here,” he whispers in Jaemin’s ear, breath hot on his sensitive earlobe, and Jaemin feels his pants getting tight around the crotch area. He’s going crazy but there’s a carnal promise in Jeno’s monosyllables.

It’s because Jeno usually looks so put-together, not a hair out of place, that it’s even more blatantly obvious how _wrecked_ he is now, just from one sloppy kiss. Oh, the things Jaemin could do to him. The things he wants to _show_ him. The mere thought sends an animalistic shiver down his spine.

He knew the other man is gentle, but the way he’s holding Jaemin now, like Jaemin is glass and Jeno is afraid to break him, makes Jaemin want to attack him, kiss him senseless, shove his tongue down to his tonsils and make him lose control. He wants to see Jeno even more debauched and uncomfortable.

Jeno’s fingers slip to the nape of his neck, slackened, as Jaemin shyly starts giving him little close-mouthed kitten kisses again, deceptively innocent pecks. Jeno’s grip tightens in surprise on the back of his neck as the butterfly kisses turn more aggressive, and Jaemin outright bites his bottom lip and tugs before letting go.

Jeno's tongue slips out to drag over his now abused lip, but he doesn’t push him off so Jaemin takes his harshening breathing as encouragement and moves his mouth further down, nuzzling into the crook of Jeno’s neck to suck lightly on his Adam’s apple.

Jeno’s body tenses up against him and his left hand clenches in the back of Jaemin’s sweater, like a knee-jerk reaction, and Jaemin feels his lust taking over as he brazenly moves further to start tonguing Jeno’s jaw. Even the man’s aftershave tastes good to his addled senses.

Jeno has to finally physically haul him off from where Jaemin might start ravaging him if this goes on. The metal chill of his rings on Jaemin’s neck as he tightens his fingers to gently detach Jaemin, only makes his dick grow fuller.

"That’s enough,” Jeno gasps, breaths still irregular and face flushed right down into the neck of his hoodie. Jaemin wants to slip his hands below the layer of clothes and feel how hot his body is now. Jeno’s eyes are burning almost coal black in the dim light from the streetlamps and Jaemin is thoroughly disappointed, unable to keep the pout off his lips.

But Jeno reminds him, fondly exasperated, “We’re in public. And the kids are waiting.” There’s an apology in his tone.

"Ugh,” Jaemin sighs, though now Jeno’s got him thinking about Chenle and wanting to check on the boys again. “You’re right.” He gets off Jeno’s thighs reluctantly, hoping he hasn’t made them numb.

He returns the spectacles when Jeno sticks out a hand, and feels his chest swoop at the dorky grin Jeno bestows on him after wearing them again.

The dopamine rush doesn’t ebb as they start walking home at a leisurely pace, partially because Jeno smoothly slipped Jaemin’s hand into his and Jaemin is now swinging their intertwined hands back and forth like a delighted child, to the elder’s amusement.

"Tell me five reasons why you like me,” Jaemin orders demandingly and thrills to Jeno’s doubly entertained chuckle.

He quickly gets shy, though, as he obliges.

"Like I said… you’re really hot.” Jaemin nearly trips over a stone on the path and Jeno’s fingers tighten over his, laughter seeping into his voice.

"I love how free-spirited and _soft_ you are,” he continues, seeming to gain confidence.

"But most of all, I love your pretty…” Jaemin’s breath catches softly. “… heart,” Jeno finishes, making him deflate and bump his boyfriend’s shoulder with his own, embarrassed.

Jeno laughs again, for the nth time that night. He seems so much happier than Jaemin has ever seen him, and he can hardly believe this is because of him.

He pretends to count, just to hear that boyish giggle again. “That was only four reasons."

Jeno pretends to think about it. Then he turns to Jaemin with a brilliant smile on his face and only the slightest hint of cringing embarrassment, and finishes, “Lastly… you’re a really good kisser."

It’s been almost a week since they officially started dating, and the high still hasn’t faded. It’s Friday and he’s looking forward to the next day more than usual because Jeno has arranged for Jisung’s sitter to take the boys off their hands for a few hours and asked Jaemin out on their first date.

He has classes in the morning and so only arrives at the kindergarten after noon, but immediately after he does it’s obvious something is wrong in the boys’ class.

"Chenle-yah!” Jaemin hisses to get the boy’s attention from the back door of their classroom, where the children are swarming around and shouting incoherently as the teacher for that period tries to do a headcount while questioning them about something.

Chenle thankfully sees him and lights up, toddling over. There seems to be a shadow over his usually cheerful expression, though.

"Is there a problem?” Jaemin asks, crouching and hugging him hello.

Chenle tightens his arms around Jaemin’s backpack at the same time Mark, the teacher, notices him and calls out in relief.

"Jaemin-ah! I need help. Jisung’s not here."

The way Jaemin’s stomach drops to his knees is mirrored in Chenle’s pained grimace. Instantly, Jaemin pulls back to lock eyes with the child.

"Where did he go?” he asks sternly, reading Chenle like a book.

He’s standing outside the kindergarten holding Chenle’s hand reassuringly as Jeno’s familiar car pulls up an hour later. Jaemin’s heart sinks in relief to see Jisung strapped into his car seat, arms folded but otherwise safe and sound.

When Jeno is out of the car, shutting it a little more loudly than usual, Jaemin can immediately see that he’s upset. He doesn’t move to open Jisung’s door and help him out, instead turning to Jaemin and apologising.

"He took the bus to his mother’s house. I’m so sorry."

"By himself?” Jaemin gapes, and Jeno’s face darkens, a muscle in his jaw ticking. Jaemin hastens to reassure loudly enough for Jisung to hear, “It’s okay! As long as he’s fine now!” but the tension is barely defused.

Despite his tough act, he can see how worried Jeno is — _was_ for the past hour; especially when Jaemin first called to tell him Jisung had slipped out of the kindergarten during lunch break and he panicked badly.

Jaemin himself had felt the cold clench of fear when Jisung wasn’t answering his phone and Chenle staunchly denied knowing where he had disappeared to, despite Jisung having told him he was leaving. Jaemin refrained from berating the child for allowing his friend to leave when he saw how close to tears Chenle was. Privately, he felt relieved Chenle had the sense not to join Jisung, or he’d probably be in the same state as Jeno, going crazy then.

Now, since it looks like Jeno isn’t going to do it, Jaemin moves to open Jisung’s door and unclasps the seat belt for him. It’s only now that he sees the boy’s eyes are red-rimmed and his uniform is dishevelled.

"Jisungie,” Jaemin whispers, searching his eyes and smoothing his hair back. “Are you okay?"

"Don’t coddle him,” Jeno snaps from behind, the uncharacteristic harshness of his voice making them both flinch. “I’ve spoilt him rotten, that’s why this happened."

"I hate Appa!” Jisung suddenly yells, shocking Jaemin. From his peripheral vision he catches the way Jeno looks like he’s been slapped, like a wounded animal, and his throat constricts.

Jisung looks equally torn up, glaring at Jeno and for some reason, Jaemin too, with a defiance that is just as unlike him. His cheeks are flushed deep red, and Chenle whimpers quietly at Jaemin’s side.

Before Jaemin can comfort Jisung, Jeno has stalked up behind him and addresses Jisung in the same unsoftened tone.

"Are you not going to reflect on your mistake? Apologise to Jae — Teacher Na now for getting him in trouble."

Jaemin interrupts to explain that he wasn’t the teacher in charge anyway, but as soon as he turns his back Jisung has hopped out of the car and _sprinted_ away faster than Jaemin knew a kid could.

"Jisung!” Jeno and Chenle shout at the same time, anguished.

Jeno is about to pursue his son but Jaemin lays a hand on his shoulder to stop him, keeping his eyes on the boy retreating into the distance. “Let me."

To his surprise, Jeno just nods without breaking his sullen silence, reaching out to take Chenle’s hand for Jaemin.

He finds Jisung sitting on a slide in a playground nearby, staring at his knees pulled up to his chest. Despite Jeno’s admonition, Jaemin’s whole heart goes out to him.

It’d stunned him when Jeno who is everlastingly patient, especially with his son, lost his temper; so Jisung must be feeling scared himself now.

Though he doesn’t know the reason the boy did this… he has an inkling. Jaemin feels a ridiculous sense of trepidation as he kneels down in front of Jisung for the first time, as if he’s being judged by a prospective employer.

He’d brushed Jeno’s concerns under the carpet too readily, but indeed, parents know their children best ultimately. In his short life, Jisung has already dealt with separation and loss. He’s been so brave, but any normal child would be left with a certain amount of psychological scars.

And, Jaemin reminds himself, just like him, Jisung must be grappling with the thought of Chenle’s future departure. Jaemin isn’t the only one who got invested in, bonded to the Chinese boy — Jisung probably feels more similarly to him than he knows.

A twinge of consternation surges through him when Jisung’s next words confirm this.

"Are you dating my dad, hyung?"

Jaemin feels mortified at Jisung’s direct question and his clear eyes on Jaemin’s. How does he even know the word _dating_? Though, he’s not surprised at being discovered so fast since he already knew the boy is practically a genius.

He nods an affirmation, before forcing himself to meet Jisung’s eyes, his hands on the slide on either side of the kid without touching him.

"Is that why you ran off? Are you upset about it?” Jaemin pries delicately, a flutter in his stomach. He doesn’t know what he’d do if Jisung doesn’t approve of this relationship.

At the same time, he knows that he would place the boy’s wishes above all else. For some reason he remembers an incident back when Chenle first started living with him — he’d mistaken the buldak sauce in Jaemin’s kitchen for ketchup and poured it liberally over his hamburger. His wails as the fire sauce numbed his mouth tore Jaemin’s heart out of his chest, and all he could do until the pain eased was feed Chenle copious amounts of water and milk and feel irresponsible that he hadn’t kept the dangerous condiment away better.

He feels that same sense of helplessness now. But it catches him off guard when Jisung shakes his head, bringing immense relief, then says in a small voice, “Jisung knew Jaemin hyung before daddy. Hyung was mine first."

The sudden switch to third person confuses him, as well as what Jisung means, but Jaemin makes out his statement with disbelief and warmth spreading through him.

Could it be that he isn’t jealous of or worried about Jaemin taking away his father… but of Jeno for monopolising Jaemin?

It’s difficult to word such a complicated question, but Jaemin struggles, “Sungie… Jisungie knows he’s just as important to Jaemin hyung as his dad is, right?"

It’s mortifying speaking in third person again, when he thought he’d left that behind, but somehow he senses that hiding behind the levity of this is what Jisung needs right now.

"Just as important,” Jaemin emphasises again, to impress it in the boy’s mind, and Jisung blinks up at him, eyes shiny.

He huffs, biting his lip — suddenly looking so much like Jeno in his vulnerability that Jaemin is thrown. He wants to gather the boy into a fierce hug, comb his fingers through his adorable bowl cut; but restrains himself to picking up Jisung’s small hand.

"I want a special nickname for hyung,” Jisung declares, to his amusement and relief.

"Okay, fine, you can call me Jaemin hyung and not Teacher —“ Jaemin relents, but Jisung shakes his head.

"Lele calls you that. I want a special nickname,” he insists. “Just for myself."

Oh, wow — that makes _Jaemin_ feel incredibly special. Jisung really knows how to get adults wrapped around his little finger — that explains how besotted his father is.

He thinks about it, finger on his lips. Jisung giggles, finally his bubbly self again, and Jaemin beams.

"Okay, Sungie, you can call me Nana hyung. Nobody else calls me that."

"Nana hyung? Nana hyung!” Jisung whoops, throwing his hands in the air and standing up so fast Jaemin falls back in surprise, laughing.

"You’re going to wear it out,” he jokes, taking the boy’s willing hand and squeezing it lovingly. “Shall we go back to your daddy and Chenle now? They’ve been so worried about you."

Jisung hesitates, before nodding.

When they get back to the other two, all the anger in Jeno’s face has melted away to reveal the worry and guilt beneath. Without a word, he bends to the ground as Jisung approaches with his hand in Jaemin’s, and reaches down to tie one set of shoelaces Jaemin didn’t even notice had come undone.

Jaemin sees Jisung’s lip wobble, his chin trembling before he throws himself into his father’s arms in a way that makes a lump rise in his own throat, and Chenle start to bawl too, in emotional relief.

 _My stupid pride_ , Jeno mouths to Jaemin over Jisung’s head, his arms tight around his son as Jisung snivels into his shoulder. Jeno’s eyes are damp too, and Jaemin wants to hug them both from behind Jisung; wants to tell the boy how Jeno called him his baby when Jisung was sick and like today, his father was frantic.

He lets them have their moment to themselves, though. All that matters now is — they have Jisung’s blessing.

He screws up the courage and confidence that somehow, the recent developments in his life have given him, during the next Skype session with Chenle’s mother and his aunt. And asks the question that has been sitting on his tongue for the past month.

"When will you be coming back for Lele?"

The date he dreaded, though never set in stone, had been tentatively in the next few months, the last he heard.

But now, Chenle’s mom smiles somewhat knowingly at his question, the way she does to Chenle when he’s done something cute. It’s almost as if she senses how endeared he’s become of her son — but of course his mother would know best how good her child is at worming his way into people’s hearts.

"At the end of the year, probably… the visa issues are taking a little longer than we expected to iron out,” Chenle’s mother replies, and Jaemin can’t believe his ears.

He shouldn’t rejoice, knowing this is only good news for him and not Chenle too, but he can’t help the selfish and childish joy that bubbles up in him.

"I’m sorry to hear that, auntie,” he lies, and Chenle’s mother laughs kindly.

"We’ll still be living in Seoul, near you even after he moves back in with me though,” she reminds Jaemin, again seeming to read his mind.

And okay, yeah, that’s not the same — but it’ll have to do. It’s nowhere as bad as what the woman must be going through, living in a totally separate country from her son for so long.

"We appreciate all you’ve done for Lele,” his aunt chimes in, and Chenle’s mother nods.

"I know it’s a thankless task."

It’s the most rewarding and fulfilling thing he’s ever done, Jaemin wants to say, but can’t find the words. He trusts they know.

As if proving this, Chenle’s mom leans forward to peer at him through the screen and says softly, “You’ll always be in his life, right?"

The unexpected question hits him in the gut. “Of course,” he stutters, blinking, then babbles again, stupidly, “Of course. Forever."

Thankfully, at this point in his embarrassment of himself, Chenle bounds out of his room and squeals to see his mom and aunt’s faces. It says more than anything else, Jaemin thinks affectionately, that he has by now learned enough Mandarin by osmosis that he can make out the gist of Chenle’s rapid-fire child-babble which it seems even his relatives are having trouble completely understanding.

Chenle is clamouring to share all the recent news with his mommy personally, so Jaemin sits back contentedly and falls silent, just enjoying watching their adorable interactions without any lingering insecurities.

The realisation hits him like a warm blanket being tucked over his shoulders — there’s no struggle at all. There never has been.

There’s more than enough love to go around. More than enough _Chenle_ to go around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the awkward chapter ending, promise i have a super cheesy sappy and (hopefully) satisfying real ending planned lol. And yes the smut is in the epilogue (i know, Mess) bc it was supposed to be in this chapter but I wasnt able to write as much as I wanted this week, though I still wanted to update on schedule haha. also Sorry I haven’t replied to some of the comments I received, tbh the virus situation in my country took a bad turn this week and my anxiety (which I’ve always had) has been sky high. I don’t want to depress anyone, or myself, which is why I deliberately wrote such a defiantly fluffy fic to begin with, and i still have faith and am already feeling much better, so don’t worry about me! I hope all my readers and their loved ones are safer than safe :3 hang in there, we’re going to be okay!!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FORGIVE ME, it just didn’t sit well with me for the smut to be in the epilogue, especially since it got much longer than I expected (but its still REALLY BADLY WRITTEN) so yes! I swear this isn’t an extension of the actual word count, just splitting it into 2 chapters :)

_Gridlocked in traffic_ , the message reads, _Can’t wait to see you_. Jaemin stares at the attached picture of Jeno’s masculine hand on the wheel, swallowing.

Jisung is at his mother’s house. Chenle at Jaemin’s parents. Only Jaemin is in Jeno’s home, waiting to welcome him back from his business trip.

And if he has any other agenda besides tidying up the house for his boyfriend's return — well. Can he be blamed? It seems like a lifetime now he’s been living like a monk, and though he’s technically now free to include Jeno in his wet dreams after they got together, it’s been scant comfort.

He looks down at his outfit and makes a spontaneous decision, scrambling to the walk-in closet in Jeno’s bedroom.

The keycode beeps at the front door as he’s lounging on the couch, trying to affect a laconic posture. Electricity crackles along his skin as Jeno pushes the door open and then he’s standing _there_ , carrying a duffel and wearing a black face mask, filling out his work shirt delectably, looking tired and handsome and god. Jaemin’s whole body aches with want.

"Baby,” Jeno says softly, closing the door behind him without taking his eyes off Jaemin, and it’s completely different than when he’d called Jisung that. Jaemin eyes the way the breast of the shirt strains across his chest, and frowns that he can’t see more, wanting to push the leather jacket blocking the rest of Jeno’s glorious pecs off his broad shoulders. He forces his eyes back up to his boyfriend’s face and smiles, voice faint.

"Welcome home."

There’s so much raw missing and yearning in Jeno’s eyes, Jaemin feels bad for his sacrilegious thoughts. But not bad enough to feel ashamed of his plan — it’s already too late anyway, with what he’s dressed in, and it doesn’t escape Jeno’s sharp eyes which narrow as they run down the length of Jaemin’s body, his bare thighs; but he doesn’t say anything. Jaemin waits with bated breath, trepidation licking through his veins.

"Where’s Chenle? I remembered to buy the slime those two are crazy over.” Jeno shakes his head fondly. “They’re going to make such a mess."

"We are too.” The words slip out of his mouth of their own volition, and Jeno’s eyes widen.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing,” Jaemin coughs, mortified that he spoke aloud, face on fire. “He’s at my parents’. I swear he’s replaced me as their favourite son."

Jeno eyes the pout on his face with amusement. Takes a step towards Jaemin. “Well… you’re _my_ favourite, so..."

"You’re sweet, Lee Jeno,” Jaemin drawls, recrossing his legs and drawing Jeno’s eyes back down to the apex of his thighs, where Jeno’s shirttails lie strategically over his crotch area. It’s getting awkward being practically bottomless and goose pimples are starting to rise up his legs.

"I missed you,” Jaemin says, surprising himself with the sincerity in his voice, and Jeno’s eyes snap back to his face instantly, stricken. They hold each other’s gaze for a heart-stopping moment.

Jeno’s voice is an octave deeper when he clears his throat and replies, “How much?"

When Jaemin doesn’t answer, can’t, Jeno takes off his mask and drops it on the coffee table, taking another couple of steps until he’s towering over Jaemin sitting down. “Show me,” he says quietly.

Jeno has his hand resting on Jaemin’s tailbone, light but possessive, affecting laconicness far better than Jaemin ever could. Jaemin knows he must feel the tension though, can tell from how sensitive Jeno is, even as they make out sloppily and desperately — tightening under Jaemin’s touches, his skin flushed and feverish and muscles taut.

Jaemin has settled on his lap, legs spread wantonly wide on either side of Jeno’s hips, and his boyfriend’s hands slowly move to rest on his thighs, dipping down teasingly, frustratingly close to his semi-erection which he knows Jeno already feels pressing against the top of his pelvis.

"Don’t tease,” Jaemin whines out, breathless, and the look Jeno gives him is a punch in the gut with how _base_ it is. Without consciousness he already has his hands beneath Jeno’s leather jacket and is pushing the sleeves back so roughly he’s worried he’ll damage it.

He fits their lips together again, the thirst bubbling along every inch of his skin that Jeno’s fingertips dance over unable to be slaked. His boyfriend is gazing at him silently but with an unbearable intensity, devoutly, devouringly, a sea change from his usual restrained expression; and Jaemin wanted this but isn’t sure if he can deal with it. God, he’s a hot mess already just from the eye-fucking Jeno’s giving him.

As if completely unaware of his train of thought, Jeno only continues regarding him with that hooded, heavy gaze, the glitter of his eyes insolent. He’s broken away from Jaemin’s needy lips, mouth red and puffy from kisses, and pushes his tongue into his cheek slowly, thoughtfully. The image makes Jaemin think of how his dick would look pressed into Jeno’s cheek, his own fingers tracing the outline of it over his boyfriend’s satin skin — fuck.

"Why are you wearing my shirt, baby?” Jeno finally asks the overdue question, not looking displeased at all. His fingers play with the lapel of his own shirt on Jaemin’s thumping chest, as if he could rip it down the front in one smooth movement, buttons popping.

"Raided your closet,” Jaemin gasps, his chest feeling like something heavy is sitting on it that he can barely get the words out.

Jeno stares at him for a long time, hand paused on the deep V neck of the only half-done dress shirt. Then — “Unbutton it,” he whispers, and Jaemin knows Jeno is thinking the exact same thing as him.

They’re going to have sex for the first time today. Fuck.

"Take it off me,” Jaemin hears himself say suggestively, goading in his voice. He can’t help it — “Fuck, you’re just so squeaky clean it’s killing me, I’m sorry —“ but Jeno breaks him off, eyes dark with glinting amusement.

"You’re the one who’s so pure.” He curses under his breath, darkly. “Do you have any idea… the things I want to do to you…?"

"Why didn’t you, then? Do you know how much you’ve been blue-balling me?” Jaemin accuses, dramatically.

Jeno, damn him, lets slip a chortle before he covers his mouth. “My bad."

"Sorry,” Jeno says again, soft, and Jaemin’s breath stutters as Jeno rolls his hips up under him, grinding against Jaemin’s ass cheeks just enough for him to feel how hard Jeno is.

As he instructed, Jeno’s hands move up shakily to start unfastening his own shirt off Jaemin. The shirt swallows Jaemin’s smaller frame, and he feels encompassed in it.

"Should we… move to your room?” he asks tentatively, then blushes hot at Jeno’s laugh. Maybe he hadn’t been on the same one-track mind as Jaemin? His boyfriend is so frustratingly mysterious, still.

"Yeah, in a bit,” Jeno replies, making quick work of the rest of the buttons.

When he’s done, Jeno stares unabashedly at Jaemin’s chest, which he starts to feel self-conscious of being too scrawny — damn, he should have arranged more gym dates with Jeno before this important day.

Jeno grabs the dangly necklace pendant he’s wearing, and uses the thick chain to drag Jaemin closer down. Before Jaemin knows it, he’s mouthing hungrily along Jaemin’s collarbone, tongue darting out to map the line of Jaemin’s clavicles and into the dip.

He lifts the necklace off Jaemin’s neck, and his hands wander beneath the lapels of the shirt much like Jaemin’s had, pushing it off his shoulders. Jaemin usefully starts unbuttoning Jeno’s own shirt to begin divesting him of it. He knows Jeno would probably want to shower first after coming home from a long airplane ride, probably wasn’t expecting this, but he’s playing along so enthusiastically Jaemin’s heart can’t help but be melted by this, more than anything.

"Let’s go to my room?” Jeno suddenly blurts out, with such urgency Jaemin is caught off guard. He can’t nod as fast as he wants, before Jeno is gently shifting him off his thighs and stumbling off the couch, never once letting go of Jaemin’s hand.

He drags Jaemin to his room (Jaemin shedding his shirt on the floor) and they fall in, the door slamming closed behind them. Jeno pushes him backward, gently, in the direction of his bed and Jaemin doesn’t break his gaze away as the backs of his knees hit it and he falls back into a sitting position with a flump.

Jeno clambers over him and straddles him and this time he’s the one who initiates the kiss, lapping with surprising skill into Jaemin’s mouth, kissses getting wet, the thread of saliva between their lips filthy and so hot. Jaemin feels debased by both Jeno’s overwhelming lips and the way he’s simultaneously groping Jaemin’s ass, splaying a palm proprietarily over his ass cheek and curving his fingers ever so teasingly into Jaemin’s ass crack through his layer of briefs.

Pink, his favourite colour, looks so good on Jeno’s face.

Slowly getting overpowered and willingly sinking back down onto the cool sheets to hasten the process, Jaemin finds himself nearly horizontal with Jeno on top of him, still kissing each other stupid, action getting more and more sloppy and heated.

Jeno slides off of him a little but immediately climbs back over him, sitting down on Jaemin’s crotch, the lewdness of the action rather than the force of it knocking the breath from his lungs.

Jaemin snaps his hips up and groans, impressing his hard dick against Jeno’s ass for an urgent moment and Jeno grins down at him, hair hopelessly tousled, eyes wolfish.

Jaemin wants to be messed up by him. “Mess me up,” he murmurs, making his boyfriend’s eyes widen. “Fuck me up, _hyung_. Please."

The unmistakable lust that enters Jeno’s eyes at the word drives Jaemin wild. He’s the one who pops a button in the end, too violently trying to rush to get Jeno’s nearly undone shirt off, and Jeno bites off a laugh, which turns into a gasp when Jaemin slides his hands up his torso, thumbs grazing his abs.

All Jaemin can think, as he finally sees Jeno’s naked body, is — wow, god really took his time with him.

Being his boyfriend regardless — Jaemin just wants this perfect specimen of a man to destroy him.

"You’re shaking,” Jaemin whispers, and Jeno’s hand pauses on his cheek where it’s caressing the shell of Jaemin’s ear. “Are you sure about this? We don’t have to, if you’re not ready —"

"No, I am! I want this.” Jeno closes his eyes, muscles in the plane of his body rippling hypnotically. “Just — it’s been a while,” he admits, voice hoarse.

Jaemin can’t say he’s not delighted to hear that. “We’ll take it slow,” he reassures.

Jeno leans down to kiss him roughly without warning, but not before Jaemin glimpses the emotion that fills his eyes. He lets his fingers linger on Jaemin’s jaw when he moves away, and Jaemin keeps his eyes on Jeno’s as the digits tease the corner of his lips, then halt when his tongue slips out to lick them.

The sharp intake of breath that hisses out of Jeno’s throat encourages him, and Jaemin eagerly sucks Jeno’s fingers into his mouth, swirling his tongue around them. He moves his eyes down to the straining tent of Jeno’s crotch as he shifts on Jaemin’s thighs, restless.

Jeno forces himself to retract his wet fingers from Jaemin’s mouth, and through half-lidded eyes Jaemin watches him fumble to clumsily unbuckle his belt and roll off Jaemin to kick off his trousers. His mouth already misses Jeno’s fingers, and Jaemin remembers to squirm out of his own briefs as well, not wanting to awkwardly struggle with clothes any longer.

Then the bed dips and Jeno is back beside him, on him, his whole body this time, both of them lying down. Jeno’s aura as a bedfellow is — whoa. Jaemin is porcelain hard.

Jeno cages him between arms braced on either side of Jaemin’s head, slowly easing his weight onto him, and bends to start trailing butterfly kisses down his chest. Jaemin jolts a little, humiliatingly, at the shock as Jeno licks one of his nipples.

He slowly, with unexpected skill, makes his way with his mouth down Jaemin’s torso, taking his time as Jaemin had said. It’s all Jaemin can do to grab fistfuls of sheets, flexing his thighs under the slow sweet torture. Jeno keeps rubbing up against his painful erection, almost as if on purpose, and with each brush of skin Jaemin only grows more rigid.

Finally, Jeno draws up back into a sitting position, hunkering at Jaemin’s thighs again, and settles himself between them as he slowly spreads Jaemin’s legs open himself. Jeno rests his hands high on Jaemin’s thighs, looking down at Jaemin’s poor flushed dick, and heat curls fiercely in Jaemin’s stomach. He bites the back of his hand in case he lets out a sob.

Jeno palms Jaemin’s cock, already slick with precome beading at the slit, without warning. He grabs the head and spreads the slick down a little, and Jaemin lets out a muffled incoherent moan, bucking up into Jeno’s fist.

"What do you prefer? Doggy style… or missionary?” Jeno asks this incongruous question with his hand still wrapped loosely around Jaemin’s dick, and Jaemin nearly laughs but his throat feels laced up.

Of course, his boyfriend still has to be a gentleman at this time.

"Just — the normal way is fine,” he bites out, unable to elaborate, and mercifully Jeno gets his gist.

He grabs Jaemin’s ankles and spreads him wider apart, making Jaemin’s back arch. Jeno scoots in and his dick brushes up against Jaemin’s, which sends fireworks skittering under his skin and fire pooling in his belly. At this rate he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to hang on until Jeno gets to it, especially with his months-long abstinence.

"Please — hurry,” Jaemin begs, adding the magic word, “Hyung."

Within seconds, he hears the welcome crisp snap of the lubricant tube opening — somehow Jeno had snuck it onto the bed while shucking off his pants without Jaemin seeing. Jaemin throws his head back as Jeno lowers himself, hair brushing Jaemin’s balls, and presses a tender kiss to the inside of Jaemin’s left thigh before his fingers.

Jeno’s dry hand leaves Jaemin’s other thigh, but Jaemin keeps his thighs splayed wide, teeth clenched as Jeno warms the lube between his fingers, then the first digit is against Jaemin’s hole, sliding in as soon as he relaxes.

"Three,” Jaemin informs him, hoping he’s still coherent, “I can take three."

Jeno’s shallow intake of breath makes pride and desire swell in his chest.

Soon enough — thank fuck — three of Jeno’s gorgeous fingers are moving in and out of him rhythmically, fucking Jaemin open. When Jeno hits close to his prostate his whole body goes taut as a guitar string.

Jeno pulls out his fingers and thrusts in one last time knuckle deep, two fingers this time, and without warning, scissors them. Just the slightest bit — but Jaemin lets out a keen, bowing off the bed, Jeno’s hand immediately on his hipbone, anchoring. His voice sounds wrecked.

"Are you okay? Is it too much?"

"No — it’s good… ahh.” Jaemin’s dick leaks more against his stomach and he reaches down to tug at it a little. He’s so overstimulated he’s almost crying.

Jeno doesn’t need to be told twice. He slicks up his dick, jerking himself a little, then takes a deep breath and grabs Jaemin’s pelvis with slightly slippery hands. “Hold still. I don’t want to hurt you."

One hand leaves Jaemin’s waist to guide his dick to Jaemin’s entrance. Jeno pauses there for a second, cock head nudging his twitching hole, and Jaemin holds himself so still. He takes a deep breath and lets it all out, relaxes, before Jeno is pressing in slowly, maintaining eye contact with him all the while.

The slide and stretch, just enough lube not to take away friction, is indescribable. It’s been so long since he felt cleaved open from the inside like this. Jeno’s cock is thick and hot and throbbing and feeling it from the inside like this, against his hypersensitive walls, makes him feel like he might burst apart at the seams.

He’s fucked and been fucked by many, but never knew it could feel so unimaginably intimate, mean so much. Jeno finally bottoms out.

Connected like this, Jaemin can still feel that he’s shaking slightly, as he pauses inside Jaemin to regain control, to let Jaemin adjust to his girth. The way he’s holding Jaemin, hands tight on either side of his waist to keep Jaemin flush against him, makes him feel fragile despite the aggressiveness of his actions. One of Jeno's hands moves to lightly finger where they're connected with wonder, before gripping his side again.

"You’re so erotic. Taking me so well.” His boyfriend’s lust-slurred voice fills his ears, but Jaemin feels more than hears it through the vibrations of their lower bodies against each other, Jeno inside him.

He feels a hand smoothing away the sweat-matted hair on his forehead and opens his eyes, and Jeno is looking down at him in concern like he’s something pagan, something arcane. His blown-wide pupils suck Jaemin in, and Jaemin tightens his calves weakly behind Jeno to urge him to —

"Move,” he grits out.

Obligingly, Jeno pulls back a little and makes a shallow thrust, then pulls out almost to the tip and slams back in, balls deep. Jaemin almost yells. Jeno shifts a little, his cock finding a spot that makes Jaemin see sparks. His dick feels full almost to bursting, pulsing between them.

Jeno is the one who’s more erotic than he’ll ever know, and it turns Jaemin on even more when he shows a flash of dominance. He wants Jeno to manhandle him more, like a ragdoll. Breathing getting heavier, Jeno continues grinding relentlessly into Jaemin, the slapping sounds of sweat-and-slick skin against skin filling the room.

Jeno starts assaulting the spot he’s found elicits full-body spasms and shouts from Jaemin, and Jaemin grabs his bicep, head hitting the pillow again as Jeno rocks into him.

"Hyung… I’m close."

Jeno doesn’t say anything or slow his pace, just grabs Jaemin’s engorged cock and gives it a long, torturous stroke, then another.

"Come,” he orders, and Jaemin seizes up, orgasm breaking over his whole body, saturating his being. Jeno rides him through it, his hips only stuttering a little as Jaemin clenches hard around him, ragged groan escaping Jeno’s lips.

"You too,” Jaemin murmurs, all his muscles slackening, all fucked out around Jeno; and his boyfriend obediently surrenders to his own climax as he releases inside Jaemin on a deep thrust, unmaking him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> legit FORGOT to write in protection but pls practice safe sex, this is only fiction! lol


	8. Chapter 8

The aroma of coffee wakes Jaemin up. Blearily blinking open his eyes, his first sight is Jeno backlit by the morning sun streaming through the curtains, smiling his outrageous smile.

Jeno is already fully dressed, for some reason, and Jaemin sits up straight and scoots back against the headboard, suddenly shy. He was so blissed out from the exhaustive sex that he didn’t even feel Jeno rousing and getting out of bed, while in contrast Jeno looks cool as a cucumber, as if he has wild sex like this on a regular basis.

Jaemin pouts a little at this, but his boyfriend’s eyes are crinkling irresistibly and he can’t bring himself to be mad.

"Room service?” He raises an eyebrow at the mug of coffee Jeno is carrying — smelling temptingly promising for something he made himself.

Jeno’s grin broadens sheepishly, blowing on the coffee before handing it to Jaemin. “I heard you like your coffee strong."

"Hmm,” Jaemin hums, wondering where on earth he got that intel from. He takes the cup and sips it under his lover’s eager gaze, finally issuing his verdict.

"Nice."

Jeno looks ridiculously pleased. Jaemin continues sipping half-awake, the caffeine slowly bringing him to life. It feels like a hedonistic pleasure — coffee in bed. He wouldn’t mind waking up to this more often.

He becomes aware of Jeno’s silent but intent gaze fixated on his upper half which he promptly realises is still naked, and blushes violently while scrambling to tuck the comforter around himself.

"Your eyes are going to fall out if you keep staring like that, Jen."

Jeno reddens too at his casual intimate address, but retorts with an unnerving audacity, “Can’t a man look at his boyfriend?"

Jaemin quickly changes the subject before steam rises out of his ears, shoving the empty cup back at Jeno, who takes it like a well-trained boyfriend.

"Are you going somewhere?” Jaemin eyes his attire, bottom lip jutting out again unconsciously. He’s still feeling vulnerable in his state of undress and grogginess and really doesn’t want Jeno to leave him alone like this.

Jeno nods apologetically, giving him another reluctant once-over. “I have to pick Jisung up, but we’ll be back before you know it."

"Oh…” Jaemin forgot about that. “Of course."

"Stay for lunch?” Jeno gives him his best puppy eyes.

Jaemin bursts out laughing. “You mean, have lunch on the table before you guys get back? All right then."

The grin Jeno breaks into is positively unscrupulous.

Impressing himself with his own productivity, he finishes throwing together a simple meal even before Jeno and Jisung arrive back, and when his ears finally prick up excitedly at the front door opening, he’s sitting at the desk in Jeno’s room grading a stack of his students’ papers from his bag.

Jeno’s eyes switch from mild to amorous amusingly fast when he sees what Jaemin is now dressed in, which is the same shirt of Jeno’s from the day before. It’s draped over his shoulders like a second skin, hanging open to reveal his chest.

Jeno closes the door softly behind him and pads up behind Jaemin, the sounds of Jisung starting to eagerly tuck into the meal on the dining table muffling. Jaemin’s hand stops and his red pen trembles when Jeno pushes down the collar and presses his index finger against one of the hickeys he left low on Jaemin’s neck the night before.

“Sorry… I got too carried away.” His sheepish voice melts Jaemin. “How are you going to hide this?”

Jaemin turns to look up at him with a knowing smile. “Do I have to?”

“Of course.” Jeno looks appalled. “It’s… you look too risqué.” His ears dust pink, fingers still curled absently on the nape of Jaemin’s neck.

“Jeno,” Jaemin drawls, low.

Said man looks down at him, eyes gleaming. “Yes, Nana?”

Jaemin gulps. “Nothing, I just wanted to call your name. But why are you calling me that?” He frowns, though his nickname sounds really good in Jeno’s honey voice.

His boyfriend’s eyes smile at him, sweet as caramel. “You let Jisungie call you that but not me?”

This time, Jeno is the one pouting and it’s so cute Jaemin wants to punch something.

“Well, I guess if you want…” Jeno doesn’t wait for him to finish his sentence before he’s bending to brush his lips against the fading mark on Jaemin’s skin.

“Mine?” Jeno murmurs by his ear, voice pitched low, and Jaemin can only squirm and stutter, especially as Jeno goes on to lick a blistering strip of erogenous skin beside his jugular. Jaemin shifts in his seat uncomfortably as blood rushes south again.

“Y-yours.”

“Good boy. By the way, you look hot doing... teacher stuff.” Jeno ruffles his hair playfully, and disappears out of the room so quietly Jaemin isn’t sure if he just hallucinated the whole thing.

_Remember when you called me Superman?_

He receives this message later that day, when it’s nearly night and his bed is looking empty and anticlimactically Jeno-less. He’s back at home with Chenle but has been distracted and flustered all day. Definitely not expecting Jeno to shoot him a message before turning in. It makes him weak-kneed to think his boyfriend might be missing him in bed too.

When he doesn’t respond yet, his phone buzzes with another message.

 _If I’m Superman, you’re my kryptonite_.

Jaemin stares at the messages for a long time, face so hot he’s suddenly glad he’s not with Jeno tonight.

 _My god. You’re cheesier than I thought_.

His fingers are clammy as he types the words despite playing it cool.

The immature emoji Jeno sends back makes giggles bubble uncontrollably out of his throat for three minutes straight, that Chenle turns around from the TV and stares at him like he’s been abducted by aliens.

Soon after Jeno and Jisung step into Jaemin’s house — here to pick Jaemin and Chenle up to head for the boys’ class performance for parents — Jeno pushes Jaemin into his room and shuts the door breathlessly.

“What?” Jaemin is confused, catching his breath too. He checks his watch, distracted. “We have to leave or we’ll be late.”

“Nothing.” Jeno shifts nervously, eyes darting over Jaemin. “It’s just — your shoulders look awfully broad in this sweatshirt.” He licks his lips, a tic Jaemin is getting familiar with.

His amusement morphs into something else quickly as Jeno straightens the collar of the shirt for him where it’s slightly askew and revealing his right clavicle, as if Jaemin is a girl dressed in overly revealing clothes or something.

The silence stretches between them, suddenly thickening. Jeno’s eyes drop to his mouth inadvertently, and then they both surge forward at the same time, lips crashing awkwardly.

His boyfriend deepens the kiss with a new and sexy finesse, hands slipping down Jaemin’s body to bracket his waist. Jaemin’s eyes flutter shut and he almost loses himself in the sensation and stimuli, forgetting where they have to be.

Thankfully, they’re barely late. The weather is fortuitously pleasant with azure skies and Jaemin sees Mark leading his class to the back of the makeshift stage on a leash as they arrive at the field adjacent to the preschool. They hand Chenle and Jisung over to him and Jaemin pulls Jeno to sit down in the chairs in the audience area, where most parents are already gathered.

Some by Bol4 is playing from the speakers as they wait and the only thing that could get better is when Renjun and Donghyuck arrive, having been invited by Chenle and Jisung to the event.

It’s heartwarming to see both their best friends hit it off immediately and strike up a flowing conversation where they’re seated next to each other. They only stop chatting when the performance begins and Jeno sits up straight, eagerly waiting for the boys’ class; cheering louder than any other parents and drawing amused looks when it’s Jisung and Chenle’s solos in the singing and dancing performance.

“He’s really a chip off the old block,” Jaemin sighs happily, waving at Jisung who is glaring adorable daggers at them.

Jeno chuckles, looking delighted at the statement. “How so?”

Jaemin shrugs, tilting his head. “It’s the way you both smile,” he concludes, and is rewarded by his boyfriend’s _Jeno_ smile.

"Jeno-yah,” Jaemin purrs.

"Jaemin —“

Jaemin slides a hand down Jeno’s thigh discreetly but calculatedly, making his boyfriend jump with amusing sensitivity. Jeno removes his hand and squeezes his wrist tight before letting go, shooting Jaemin a loaded, warning look.

 _Sorry_ , Jaemin mouths, putting on his best innocent and contrite expression, and Jeno bursts out laughing, shaking his head.

“You’re adorable,” he murmurs in Jaemin’s ear hoarsely, making his knees jelly without even touching him.

“What are you two bickering about now?” Renjun asks in Jaemin’s other ear, sounding amused and done.

Jaemin blushes, then. When Renjun elbows him he sheepishly blurts, “Just about who fell for who first.”

The look Renjun gives him is incredulous and blank, but Jaemin catches a glimpse of his eyes nearly rolling out of his head as he turns back to Donghyuck, muttering under his breath laughingly, “Idiot couple."

"Do you think they’re talking about us?” Jeno remarks suspiciously on Renjun and Donghyuck’s instant camaraderie too when the pair stroll off together to grab refreshments for all of them. “This is all your fault.”

Jaemin shrugs, not too concerned or surprised because he’s used to everybody loving Renjun. “Maybe?”

Jeno frowns and opens his mouth but before he can reply Jisung is bounding up with Chenle close at his heels.

“Dad! Why did you embarrass us?” he whines with his signature hamster pout puffing up his cheeks.

Jeno gulps, and Jisung stamps his foot. “You’re so embarrassing!” he exclaims dramatically, and Jaemin cracks up at the thunderstruck look on Jeno’s face.

Refraining from immaturely congratulating his boyfriend on hitting another parental milestone today, Jaemin stops snickering and kindly diverts Jisung’s attention by praising, “You did great, Jisungie. Nana hyung was so proud of you.”

“What about me?” Chenle demands, folding his arms, and Jaemin dissolves into giggles again.

“I’m proud of _both_ of you, hon.”

“What about me?” Jeno chimes in from beside him, cheeky, and Jaemin gives him a look.

Jisung and Chenle recently had their first fight about whether Spiderman or Iron Man is cooler. Many things are changing, but his feelings are still the same. The same, only stronger. _Me and mine_ , Jaemin finally allows himself to think, even including Renjun and Donghyuck in his blissed out warmth.

He’s been spending more time at Jeno and Jisung’s house lately, since Chenle flew back to China for an extended holiday and long overdue reunion with his family. Jaemin frequently accepts Jeno’s invitations to sleep over though he takes the guest room when Jisung is around.

He enjoys doing little things for his boyfriend, shining his shoes and rearranging his kitchen cabinets. It’s a kind of domesticity he’s never had with anybody else, never _wanted_ with anybody else.

Besides being the perfect boyfriend, Jeno is also one of the most exemplary hyungs Jaemin knows — and Jaemin is so grateful for the influence he’s unconsciously exerted on Jaemin’s life, the way Jeno has changed him for the better.

He now feels so much more peaceful with the laissez-faire outlook on life and guardianship he’s learnt from the older man. Because Chenle’s is the most unconditional love Jaemin has known, he was worried he would lose this. But he’s now ashamed of even ever entertaining the thought that Chenle’s love could have an expiry date.

It’s been a life-changing few months. He took the leap and opened his heart to others, and was rewarded.

Though Chenle and Jisung will be graduating from kindergarten too soon and he’ll see them less and less, he’s relieved that in a life in which change is the only constant, he has three other constants to rely on.

Before he makes his almost daily video call to Chenle tonight, Jeno switches off the TV and turns to Jaemin from where he’s seated with Jisung at the foot of the couch.

“Got a gift for you,” he announces with a secretive grin, and Jaemin stares down at him from the couch.

“I told you I don’t want you to buy me any —“

“I didn’t spend any money,” Jeno responds placatingly, “It’s just… a photograph.”

“A photograph?” Jaemin echoes, completely surprised.

Jeno nods enthusiastically, but rubs the back of his neck bashfully.

“Show me!” Jaemin demands in excitement.

It’s a picture of Chenle, Jisung and Jaemin in a doggy pile, the boys in matching onesies, smiles pure as driven snow. Jaemin can’t help the gasp that leaves his throat when he lays eyes on it.

“I didn’t know how to add filters and stuff like you do,” Jeno apologises, “It was just too cute not to photograph.”

Jaemin hits his arm in his emotion. “This is perfect! Our babies are so photogenic, they don’t need any filters!”

Jeno melts into a huge grin that he likes it, so easily pleased. _You don’t need them too_ , he mouths to Jaemin with a smirk.

Flustered, Jaemin tickle-attacks his ribs before going to his room to start the call to Chenle’s mother.

She tells him, smiling, that there’s a parcel on the way to him with gifts for both him and Uncle Jeno, handpicked by Chenle. Apparently, it’s a Kindle for him and a ring for Jeno, and Chenle’s mother brushes off Jaemin’s protests at the expense, saying he’s spent far more money and energy on her son.

Eventually he just sighs in defeat and thanks her, and she calls Chenle over to take her place, making Jaemin perk up immediately. His mother leaves them alone to chat and Chenle’s serious little face fills the screen, wearing a beret Jaemin bought him and looking precious. Jaemin is flattered Chenle’s fashion sense seems to have been improved by him and the outfits it’s his hobby to dress the boy in.

“I miss hyung’s cooking,” is the first thing Chenle says with a pout. “Are you lonely without me, Jaemin hyung?” He asks the obvious question, eyes sparkling mischievously.

“Of course, darling,” Jaemin admits, knowing concern lies behind Chenle’s playfulness. “But you shouldn’t think about me while you’re there, we can catch up after you come back.”

He quickly moves to what he wants to ask, though he’s already helplessly accepted the gifts — Chenle’s mom didn’t seem to find it weird that he wanted to give Jeno a ring, but Jaemin has an odd feeling; besides the obvious discomfort of just knowing it’s going to be something ridiculously costly.

“Your mom told me about the presents — thank you, love. But… why did you buy Uncle Jeno a ring?” He blushes a little, just asking it.

Chenle stares at him. “ _You’re_ giving it to him, not me.” He looks perfectly serious.

“Uh.” Jaemin stutters. “Why?”

“Because you love him.” Chenle smiles, blinking innocently as he says this in a matter-of-fact tone. “Right?”

Jaemin nearly chokes on his own spit. Of course — why is he even surprised Chenle was the first to hear the gossip from Jisung. He wasn’t expecting to receive Chenle’s blessing in this way, but it looks like he has it.

“Promise me you’ll give it to him,” Chenle insists, and makes Jaemin do a pinky promise through the screen.

Someone offscreen prompts Chenle to say something, and he quickly looks back at Jaemin, smiling kind of shyly.

“Hyung… thank you.”

The simple words cut him to the quick, because of the sincerity in Chenle’s eyes, because they’ve been sitting on his tongue for the longest time too. He regrets acting macho, not responding to what Chenle said in his card earlier.

 _No expiry date_ , he reminds himself, then replies gently, “My pleasure, Lele-yah. And… it’s been the best year of hyung’s life too.”

He doesn’t expect Chenle to start blubbering.

“Hey!” Jaemin panics, moving back to the living room with his phone without thinking. “Shh, don’t cry. Want to say hi to your best friend?”

Jisung looks dismayed when he sees Chenle wiping his eyes. Jaemin faces the phone screen to him and Jisung yells in surprisingly fluent Chinese, “Chenle-yah, wo ai ni!”

Jaemin finally hangs up the call with a moronic smile still on his face at how adorable Jisung looked making a heart over his head with both arms.

Later that night, Jeno sneaks into the guest room and his bed, whispering that Jisung is asleep and he couldn't sleep without Jaemin. He lies on top of the covers, not getting under them with Jaemin, and hugs him chastely like a body pillow.

“Ahh…” Jaemin sighs, cuddling him back. “I wanna grow up to be as cool as you, Jeno hyung.”

Jeno scrunches his nose in embarrassment, and Jaemin boops it, grinning. “Wait for me?”

Jeno opens his eyes and gazes at him, so much affection in them. “Take your time,” he says, smile deepening. “We have it.”

And just like that, Jaemin understands that it’s not the end, but only the beginning. He realizes it’s nothing short of a miracle he met the whole trinity of them, and he’s never going to take this blessing for granted.

“Is it really okay?” he murmurs, and Jeno blinks at him quizzically.

Jaemin smiles shyly, and elaborates, “For me to be this happy?"

Jeno looks at him for a long time. Then — smiling dazzlingly — he nods assent.

“It’s because we love you,” he tells Jaemin quietly, and an unnameable and profound emotion floods Jaemin’s chest. Jeno, Jisung and Chenle have become his home and hearth.

“Did you just say you love me?” he demands, and Jeno ducks his head to his chest, eyes shining.

“Do I have to?” he finally responds, smile indulgent but serious. “You already know, don’t you?"

Yes — Jaemin already knows that.

He knows it by heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t describe how relieved I am to have finished this. Writing chaptered longfic is a marathon! (Yes I’ve been waiting to make this profound statement since I thought of it lol) This got much longer than I projected and promised and I know there are many readers who followed it from the start, or the first few chapters, incredibly patiently and supportively. Most left kudos very near the beginning, and I’m extremely touched that I even have any kudos at all before the last chapter, because this shows how many people trusted me not only to finish the fic but also to finish it in a way that wouldn’t make you regret leaving your kudo beforehand :’) Thank you to each and every person who read this fic from the start to the end, who followed updates, for holding my hand when I lost steam and started burning out especially in the second half. I’m a pretty whiny writer and I know 30k isn’t REALLY a big deal but I think I’m getting old or something because I used to be able to write 20k words (of better quality fic than this) within 24 hours, but that was 6 years ago so… And last but not least, I’m equally grateful to the readers who found this later and read it all at one shot, 30k could take a couple of hours and I appreciate the time you felt was worthwhile to invest in this.
> 
> Tbqh, this fic started feeling like a train wreck around chapter 6 and I struggled to find my love for it back but I’m glad I did! A lot of the reason why I was unsatisfied was because I’ve been deeply unsatisfied with Jaemin’s characterisation since chapter 2 — I thought I’d be able to fix it and if I’d known I wouldn’t be able to I probably would have abandoned the fic honestly. I’m aware I wrote him in an annoyingly pedantic and overly feminine way and it’s a shame that I couldn’t do him justice in my longest fic since I really like him. Literally any of my other fics would paint a better picture of how I see him, that’s how worst this is, and I know this could have really ruined a big part of the fic so I was grateful that readers could overlook such a major flaw. Plus, the conflict in the fic also felt forced and overdone to me, which wasn’t helped by my writing getting progressively sloppier.
> 
> However!! I’m actually pretty proud of my worldbuilding and pacing, which I specifically focused on in here. I’m pleased with how much action and relationship development I managed to fit into 30k. This whole universe felt super real to me and I truly inhabited it in the time I was writing this fic, so it made me so happy when readers got as excited about the verse as me. Despite its flaws, I grew attached to this verse and I can only hope that readers didn’t regret picking it up or find it tedious to follow it to the draggy end, that YOU got some modicum of happiness, escapism and even half of the rewarding feeling I felt writing. I feel like writing this improved my writing, so I’m glad I did. (Of course, this is only my self-assessment and readers may not feel I did well in those areas either lol)
> 
> Lastly, I want to sincerely thank every single person who commented and offered me vocal support on top of readership, from the bottom of my heart — it was only recently that I knew it gives some readers anxiety to comment, but I can totally understand that, so I appreciate every single person who went out of their way to drop me encouragement despite possibly feeling awkward. I cherished every single comment I received. (And I will try my best to reply all the gorgeous comments ASAP!!)
> 
> Really worried now that this isn’t going to fit into the notes box and I may have to post a separate chapter just for this ffff so I’ll just end this horrendously long end notes by saying writing this has been a rollercoaster ride that made my March 2020 an eternally unforgettable month, so I really hope it helped brighten up your month a little too!! Let’s all stay safe and healthy together.
> 
> Ps. I have to mention 3 people in particular I’m eternally indebted to — carter, the jaemin to my jeno; caprxxcorn who is the most adorable person in the world and lily starwreck; who’ve all been supporting me vocally since the very beginning, and even before this fic. ily.


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